tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23039831876803474982024-03-13T09:56:23.217-04:00Behind the ScenesLizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.comBlogger341125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-51687604546773544912014-05-21T13:18:00.002-04:002020-11-11T20:13:44.785-05:00This Gift.<div align="center">
I’m not sure where to start this post… My emotions are all over the place. How has a whole year passed.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-BjMYi9GV9F0/U3zfxgXvpZI/AAAAAAAAHZ0/EKPnr9g0nGU/s1600-h/DSC_00016.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0001" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-bnzzxd3ArU0/U3zfzokT-0I/AAAAAAAAHZ8/UNEohqD3K-I/DSC_0001_thumb6.jpg?imgmax=800" height="460" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0001" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
<br />
It went so fast, yet so slow. Is that even possible. To feel like it was only yesterday that my water broke & this 6 pound baby entered my life..but also feel like it’s been years & years since that day. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
This beautiful gift.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-gY7OMF_vziM/U3zf0xLA2gI/AAAAAAAAHaE/-NkSRyNBRdM/s1600-h/IMG_40135.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4013" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-O2pxGLfoWjY/U3zf2LbZKOI/AAAAAAAAHaM/-pZnlrikjhM/IMG_4013_thumb2.jpg?imgmax=800" height="400" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4013" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
<br />
A little girl who has faced more during her short life than most.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
A little girl who can only be described as a miracle. A sweet & precious miracle.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
A little girl that was used in mighty ways from the moment she was born. Used for His glory from her first breath.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
A little girl so perfect & strong. So very strong.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-jUJrdRnehVM/U3zf3nelOnI/AAAAAAAAHaU/B6ikoorOQVE/s1600-h/IMG_80465.jpg"><img alt="IMG_8046" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-uT9bFnNdUF0/U3zf47pocKI/AAAAAAAAHac/ihteVMvxokU/IMG_8046_thumb2.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_8046" width="600" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
With the pretty eyes & smile that consumes her entire face.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
With the tiny little toes that curl when I rub her back.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
With the reddest hair & one random strand that’s longer than all the rest.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
With the chubbiest thighs & ankles.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
With two (sharp) teeth that she flashes when she grins.<br />
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-WXn6SoEbhaY/U3zf6Yqk7AI/AAAAAAAAHak/tgEFvO4_HFE/s1600-h/IMG_51905.jpg"><img alt="IMG_5190" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-5Nujize-9zI/U3zf7ls0YAI/AAAAAAAAHas/Gg3vXqshWYs/IMG_5190_thumb2.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_5190" width="600" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
A testimony, so powerful, at the smallest of ages.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A testimony that reached far beyond our tiny family of three.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A testimony full of mountains, valleys, & depths so deep.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A testimony that I can’t wait to share with her. And hear her share in the years to come.<br />
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-XYGW4-ccsoA/U3zf8hruC3I/AAAAAAAAHa0/tHzvLJOdvOY/s1600-h/_DSC96105.jpg"><img alt="_DSC9610" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-xR9eVsnjvL8/U3zf9DjJhjI/AAAAAAAAHa8/8B9pzn5wS6I/_DSC9610_thumb2.jpg?imgmax=800" height="398" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="_DSC9610" width="600" /></a><br />
<div align="center">
Emma, I am so incredibly blessed to be your mama.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
It’s amazing & undeserving. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
It’s long days, long nights & an abundance of smiles, giggles, & smooches. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
It’s more than I could have ever dreamed. More than I could have ever imagined.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
This love I have for you doesn’t compare to the love I thought I’d have for you. It’s so, so much more. And different.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
Actually holding you in my arms. And calling you my own. And hearing you say ma-ma. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
It’s breathtaking. You’re breathtaking.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-QIxxmBlSf_s/U3zf9_3vtWI/AAAAAAAAHbE/eb6KLaOcXa8/s1600-h/IMG_80405.jpg"><img alt="IMG_8040" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-yNvHPkm_5jw/U3zf-z3jflI/AAAAAAAAHbM/lKhkaV0JTBY/IMG_8040_thumb2.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_8040" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
<br />
Emma Joy. All consuming jubilation.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
It’s a perfect match. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
A very accurate description of who you are. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
My joy. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
My heartbeat on the outside.<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
My daily reminder of His love. His grace. His mercies. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:3eea7127-8a02-4ac8-a60a-e220404d82ff" style="display: block; float: none; margin: 0px auto; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; width: 448px;">
<div>
<object height="252" width="448"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4c05nkMMN6c?hl=en&hd=1"></param>
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4c05nkMMN6c?hl=en&hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"></embed></object></div>
<div style="clear: both; font-size: .8em; width: 448px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
music - Take Heart : Hillsong<br />
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
{I made a little video of E’s first year..and I cried during the process more times than I’d like to admit.]<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I love you sweet girl! <br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you for making this life a million times brighter!<br />
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-91486576499533184052014-05-16T10:36:00.004-04:002014-05-16T10:36:39.396-04:00Resurrection Sunday<br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-UQ-XwQEDjck/U3YhcqQB1eI/AAAAAAAAHYU/cVAqh6gqo6c/s1600-h/IMG_7731%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_7731" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-1_ESdYayJkc/U3Yhe3eRMII/AAAAAAAAHYc/89i837rX8Is/IMG_7731_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_7731" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-YTwkHY2YQm4/U3Yhg0ivTMI/AAAAAAAAHYk/TwaE5HywFa8/s1600-h/IMG_7730%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_7730" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-UeWQ7pVIokI/U3YhicQ2moI/AAAAAAAAHYs/wwK7Um610Ts/IMG_7730_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_7730" width="600" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Trying to teach E the “Liz” face.</div>
<br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-ICDgCywdDec/U3YhjDjWj0I/AAAAAAAAHY0/9p8RRG28obQ/s1600-h/IMG_7704%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_7704" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Rgpn42Xx_G4/U3Yhk4aik_I/AAAAAAAAHY4/jii_DkVQNOQ/IMG_7704_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_7704" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="text-align: center;">This one makes me laugh. Such an accurate capture of our life. Mama trying to make sure E’s headband is in the right place since E enjoys pulling them off. And daddy mumbling something about how annoying he thinks headbands are. Yep. True life.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-s7yMgGeITgA/U3YhmNTFBYI/AAAAAAAAHZA/AJaVxXetkPk/s1600-h/IMG_7714%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_7714" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-yuwVpv9mXpE/U3YhnH1qqoI/AAAAAAAAHZM/o-_lGfRU3iA/IMG_7714_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_7714" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-xIZPLyUxkB4/U3YhoG0zJVI/AAAAAAAAHZU/YUNe9wQNfXI/s1600-h/IMG_7717%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_7717" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-GkQzUJps-nQ/U3YhpoenFII/AAAAAAAAHZc/M9Y5Jl8VFMo/IMG_7717_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_7717" width="600" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
This family of mine is more than I deserve. It’s more than I could have ever dreamed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Her sweet smile & his dimples. I mean.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Last year I remember thinking about how hard it must have been for Mary to watch her son be crucified. And I wondered about the unending love I would feel for the baby growing inside my belly. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This year I stood in the back of the sanctuary, holding my daughter, and fighting back tears. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tears of joy. That I have a savior who went to the cross for me. For my disobedience. A savior, who had a mama. That loved Him. And raised Him. And accepted God’s calling on her life to let Him be beaten & mocked & crucified. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How overwhelming & reassuring. That my love for this child in my arms is nothing compared to the love poured out that day. This gift I call Emma is so abundantly loved & prayed for & cherished by her mama. Yet she is held in the palm of my creator’s hand. He calls her daughter. He went to the cross for her. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
His love for her is unending. Even more so than my own.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-65664115541924528142014-05-09T09:58:00.000-04:002014-05-09T09:58:01.516-04:00Months 8, 9, 10, & 11.<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-q_Yc4QyUS6k/U2zeCb_LMLI/AAAAAAAAHXI/gPMWguI-H1w/s1600-h/DSC_0049%252520edited%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0049 edited" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-ZWxHbO6nVo4/U2zeDSvqRTI/AAAAAAAAHXQ/4vX9QeED-10/DSC_0049%252520edited_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0049 edited" width="500" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This picture makes me laugh because of how huge she looks. Those cloth diapers really accentuate the rear end.</div>
<br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-pKgecWtZ2gI/U2zeEd9s5II/AAAAAAAAHXY/ruJ3NmXYVxg/s1600-h/DSC_0010%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0010 edited" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-cnUe3F8KPTI/U2zeFJt6o-I/AAAAAAAAHXg/ag_5tuMx7KM/DSC_0010%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0010 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
A baby in jeggings. Really doesn’t get any cuter!</div>
<br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-O5HvPxmLW9M/U2zeF_O9NRI/AAAAAAAAHXo/mQcx8qf2JTM/s1600-h/DSC_0117%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0117 edited" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-7RPopi_s1Ek/U2zeGicCQYI/AAAAAAAAHXw/3O0VOorg-h8/DSC_0117%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0117 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The month I felt like her hair grew & got thicker like crazy!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Zk1x1uthwD4/U2zeHTbc-EI/AAAAAAAAHX4/Z0mrJfCkecI/s1600-h/DSC_0033%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0033 edited" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-78L-AquASeM/U2zeIZ4ZIII/AAAAAAAAHYA/H8AukB9OuBY/DSC_0033%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0033 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
See those little pink toes? Eleven months is the perfect time for babies first pedicure.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Little E is hanging around at the 19-20 pound mark. She’s been there probably for all four of these months. But she is getting pretty long. Not sure where that’s coming from since her dad & I are short. Maybe we’ll end up with a 6 foot kid. Ha. Please no. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
One more month of pictures. Which is for the best since it’s getting harder to fit her whole body in the shot…ya know since I’m not tall. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My baby isn’t a baby anymore! Who said she could grow up!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-30713308064679553222014-05-08T10:57:00.002-04:002014-05-08T10:57:41.970-04:00No Good Reason.<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-luHUgVB95yQ/U2uab-JawXI/AAAAAAAAHWo/FbQdyo-aDQg/s1600-h/IMG_7597%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_7597" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-bxvVONKuP7U/U2uacycHE6I/AAAAAAAAHWw/UHPtml7f6II/IMG_7597_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_7597" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
January 27th. That was my last post. How has it been over 3 months since then…I never understood what people meant when they said time flies by once you have children. Now I’m the one telling that to people. I don’t have any good reason for why I haven’t written. I’ve sat down a handful of times & thought “you should write”. But then I get distracted & never finish. But now we are in Emma’s birthday month & I’m hit with an overwhelming sadness for not documenting more regularly. I have taken to instagram to post about Emma, when really I have so much to say about her that doesn’t really fit over there. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I’ve been spending the last day going through old pictures & videos of E. I’ve also been crying like a crazy lady, but that’s beside the point. How are we two weeks away from her birthday? How has one whole year passed since that day. The day I became a mama. The day my heart just about busted at the seams & broke into a million pieces simultaneously? I keep telling Mike I’m in denial that she’ll be one soon. I am having such a hard time wrapping my head around it. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I thought, during those first five weeks, that the first year would go on forever. That we would have this delicate little baby forever. And it didn’t. We don’t. She isn’t delicate anymore. She’s feisty. And vocal. And chatty. And beautiful. And amazing. And alllll the good things. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She’s also not crawling. Or walking. Or standing on her own. Or (this one I hate) holding her own bottle. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She is living out the term “going at her own pace”…. and part of me is really ok with that. I don’t mind the fact that I can set her down & leave the room & the most that will happen is she’ll be laying down instead of sitting up when I come back. But I also know that this girl needs to get moving. She wants to. So bad. She’s the definition of wiggle worm in our arms. She starts physical therapy this afternoon & I’m mildly terrified. Her orthopedics doctor said absolutely no pt when she got out of the harness in November. But her development doctor told us she is almost at a 4 month delay & would greatly benefit from physical therapy. How did Mike & I become the people responsible for making these decisions. A decision that could potentially do harm to her hips, yet help her gain some strength in her upper body.. A decision that seems smart & overwhelming at the same time. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
(and yes, I know Emma’s hip journey hasn’t been shared yet & I promise it’s coming. haven’t really had motivation to revisit those first few days. it was gross in my heart then.)</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It’s funny how Christ steps in & shows us the way. Ok it’s not funny. It’s amazing. I’m not the same person I was May 20th 2013. Emma’s birth changed me. It stirred something in my heart. The days of frustration and anger and fear I felt worked into something good. I feel strong. I feel encouraged. I feel protected now. The depth of that valley holds nothing to the height of the mountain. E’s smile & giggle & the way she holds onto a piece of my hair when she’s tired. When she smiles at me two seconds after I tell her no. I see His face everywhere. All of His grace floods me when I get that girl up every morning. All of His love consumes me when she’s fighting her nap & just wants to be held. I think about how often I’ve ran from Him this past year & fought the rest He offered. How easy it is to overlook the things & people He places in our path. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
And now as we approach the anniversary of a season in my life that completely shook me, I’m feeling discomfort. It’s not entirely bad. It’s almost like I can feel Him moving again. I feel unsettled. Like there’s something big He’s about to teach me. And that’s a good thing. A great thing really. I want to take this month to reflect on what happened last year. To remember how He carried me. and Emma. and Mike the entire time. How I can look back, on the other side of it, and feel confident that Emma’s struggles were not for nothing. There was purpose. There was reason. There was hope. How an entire church family came behind us & supported us. Prayed for us. Gave to us. How Christ used a tiny little infant to teach people faith. To teach people dependency on Him. How the nurses saw a mom & dad who were at their babies bedside every. single. day. With heads bowed & tears streaming. And visitors coming. And laying their hands on E. And praying for God to do a mighty work. A healing work. A tremendous work on our little girl. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br />
And He did. He still is. </div>
<div align="justify">
……..</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I do have intentions of blogging more regularly. I miss it. And I have so much to share. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-60338414810538932482014-01-27T13:31:00.002-05:002014-01-27T13:31:30.326-05:007 months of Emma.<div align="justify">
A bit unlike the ones you’ll see floating around <a href="http://behindthescenes-blog.blogspot.com/">blog</a> land, my monthly updates for Emma haven’t happened. Mainly because I was avoiding this place like the plague because I didn’t want to face anything about the first month of E’s life. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But because I like putting things together to compare, here are months 2-7. Month 1 was the day we brought her home from the NICU & I wasn’t thinking like a control freak who would be mad I didn’t get a picture person then. And month eight will be up later this week…well because..nope no excuse on that one since she’s already 8 months old.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-2g9A3scbteA/Uuaj7539C4I/AAAAAAAAHTc/FK3bt05WTvI/s1600-h/DSC_0094%252520edited%252520%25255B7%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0094 edited " border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-TGyprV4ddVI/Uuaj9fJdr3I/AAAAAAAAHTk/IeM8vCvFDPo/DSC_0094%252520edited%252520_thumb%25255B4%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0094 edited " width="500" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
teeny, tiny & the first official monthly growth picture. also an image that I can’t help but feel should have been an indicator of what was to come with E’s hips.<br />
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-D7UdQrGR1vk/Uuaj-T0fLsI/AAAAAAAAHTs/h2amGeLuJp0/s1600-h/_DSC2300%252520edited%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="_DSC2300 edited" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-x_cN2QRkl9I/Uuaj_X-34UI/AAAAAAAAHT0/YDc-Epv1l00/_DSC2300%252520edited_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="755" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="_DSC2300 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
in the harness & a memory of when it was actually white. which lasted all of 1 day. <br />
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-dIeujD1V4d4/UuakARoA7fI/AAAAAAAAHT8/PGQEX9TBrx4/s1600-h/DSC_0040%252520edited%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0040 edited" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-fat7ohSp4kk/UuakBR6sqxI/AAAAAAAAHUA/Zv0fTDT1Vf8/DSC_0040%252520edited_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0040 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
still rocking the harness look & clearly unhappy about the photo shoot. girl had no time for photos then. but now, she sees my iphone cover & starts modeling.<br />
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-t2dYPIKslHg/UuakCB5HWHI/AAAAAAAAHUM/jg7QbfuwMlQ/s1600-h/DSC_0006%252520edited%25255B7%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0006 edited" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-lEsLFa7YbKw/UuakDZbV2fI/AAAAAAAAHUQ/iLYv5CF-k2U/DSC_0006%252520edited_thumb%25255B4%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0006 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
definitely not easy to get this girls full body in a picture with this harness. also why didn’t I change that messy bib?<br />
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-8SYD76HR3eg/UuakEY9BKwI/AAAAAAAAHUc/4zJN0fxpEAk/s1600-h/IMG_4430%252520edited%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4430 edited" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-53yzwWUmgSk/UuakFX_7cpI/AAAAAAAAHUk/rbraW4q9bmU/IMG_4430%252520edited_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4430 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
freeeeeedom! oh those toes are the cutest ones I’ve never seen for 3 months! and a peekaboo of her fluffy bum.<br />
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-TFN6dh3qJbc/UuakGfZtrII/AAAAAAAAHUs/1jSlDfQe4wE/s1600-h/52%252520edited%25255B7%25255D.jpg"><img alt="52 edited" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-0X_rqe41j_8/UuakHtaoSHI/AAAAAAAAHU0/5WKnrtUjtn8/52%252520edited_thumb%25255B4%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="750" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="52 edited" width="500" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
high five err fist pump for being the cutest baby around. I mean really.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
And last week my sweet girl turned 8 months old. EIGHT! How is that even possible? My mom texted me to tell her happy birthday & I might have sobbed a little thinking about how quickly the past 8 months have gone. Perspective is a jerk sometimes. In a good way. A way that can make 5 weeks feel like the longest span of time in the history of ever, yet can make 8 months feel like the quickest span of time in the history of ever too. I mean, didn’t I just birth this baby? I look at that two month picture & don’t remember E ever being that tiny. I might have just spent way too much of her naptime looking at old instagram posts & crying over her growth. (physical growth of course) and ughhm mine too.(spiritual growth of course) She is becoming this little person, with a little personality. And attitude. And preferences. And I can’t help but want to stink eye the ladies who tell me it goes too fast. BECAUSE THEY’RE TELLING THE TRUTH PEOPLE. It does. It really does go too fast.<br />
<br />
I’m afraid to blink in case she suddenly becomes a teenager or something…<br />
<br />
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-75026180493525881572014-01-08T11:38:00.000-05:002014-01-08T11:38:45.003-05:00January Goals<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-nwAxk5sCCYY/Us16lNhIqUI/AAAAAAAAHQ0/L6PtzU4PWtk/s1600-h/DSC_0032%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0032" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-0Crdy0Ojd_U/Us16l1wpYLI/AAAAAAAAHQ4/6Y9maBbSfno/DSC_0032_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="500" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0032" width="750" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
So let’s just say my first month at sharing my goals with you didn’t go exactly how I planned. Ha..does anything ever go exactly how we plan? Nope! No, it doesn’t. And it’s ok. I mean I told you all how much I am a list maker. A writer of all things I want to accomplish. But those lists don’t always become my to-do. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><strong><span style="font-size: large;">December Goals:</span></strong></em> </div>
<div align="justify">
<em><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><br /></strong></span></em></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Finish reading A Beautiful Offering</b> (didn’t happen & now I have a new book I want to read!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><strike>Make stockings</strike> for all of us </strong>(so I made Emma’s but never got around to the rest..always next year right?)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><strike>Go on a date with my man </strike></strong></div>
<div align="justify">
<b><strike>Sort Emma’s clothes & organize her closet</strike> </b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b><strike>Keep up with putting my clothes away after laundry day</strike></b> (yep, I kept up with it & it feels good!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b><strike>Start Jillian Michaels 30 day shred</strike></b> (ha-so technically I completed this because I started it. And that’s about it)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Use less creamer in my coffee</b> (NO! perhaps I’ve used more!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strike><strong>Finish my Christmas shopping earlier than December 24th & without spending a butt-ton of money</strong></strike> (dec 22nd for the win!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><strike>Take Emma’s Christmas card picture. Order some cards. Send them out</strike></strong> (calling this one done, even though they were actually New Years cards)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strike><strong>Drink hot chocolate & cuddle on the couch & watch Christmas movies with my people</strong></strike> (did this with Emma & my sisters!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b><strike>Start Emma on some real food</strike></b> (she loves it & I need to pick it up a little in this department because girlfriend can eat)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b><strike>Get a massage</strike></b> (amazing. that is all. and I felt pain for a week after. it was that good)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><strike>Stick to my meal plans each week <sub></sub></strike></strong>(for the most part)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><strike>Plan & start the BC children’s ministry “raise so much money for computers for kids in Ghana” event!!! </strike></strong>(OHMYGOSH this one was my favorite! We set a goal of raising enough for 2 computers & within a week we met that goal. Right now we are approaching the funds to purchase 6 computers! 6! And I ended the fundraiser 2 weeks ago! God is good & so are the kiddos at Believers Chapel!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><strike>Get dressed, as in out of sweatpants, more than 2 days a week </strike></strong>(but only because it was the holidays & I had a busier schedule)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Make 100 shoe patterns at the GLOW Sole Hope shoe cutting party </strong>(not yet, but we made 40 of them & hopefully will finish them this week!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Tell Mike how thankful I am for him, everyday (</b>ugh failed at this. not cool, Liz, not cool)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><strike>Make E do tummy time for a few minutes everyday</strike> </strong> (rocky start but she grew to like it, a little)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Have January lesson plans done by December 18th (</strong>ha ha ha. hah not only did this not happen, my external hard drive with 2 years worth of children's ministry work completely died on New Years Day. so basically I was playing the last minute game of planning while trying to wrap my brain around the death of a limb. or something like that. I get it. God wants me starting fresh this year.)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b><strike>FINISH writing Emma’s birth story</strike> </b>(DONE! it feels good! but I have so much I still need to share about the past 7 months)</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Ok, so I didn’t do as awful as I thought I did…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">January Goals:</span></em></strong></div>
<div align="justify">
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></em></strong></div>
<div align="justify">
<strong> Work out 2-3 days a week </strong>(gotta start somewhere & making the commitment to do it 7 days in a row just isn’t happening)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Finish making shoes for Sole Hope w/ GLOW </strong></div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Go on a date with my man</strong> (keeping this one on here every month because they’re just that great!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Hang up verses in my kitchen</strong> (I have had string up above my sink for months with the intent of hanging scripture on it, since I seem to spend a ton more time at my sink these days, I think it’s the perfect place for me to put them)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Make it to the post office & mail out a few things that have been sitting on my table for months</strong> (seriously birthday gifts meant to send out in October..what is wrong with me?)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Finish reading A Beautiful Offering</strong> (so I can start Women Living Well!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Make breakfast every morning</strong> (more like don’t wait until noon & realize I haven’t eaten anything & wonder why I’m shaky & feel gross because all I’ve had is coffee)</div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Limit the amount of bread I eat</strong> </div>
<div align="justify">
<strong>Share about Emma’s hip journey</strong> (this one is almost as awful as the birth story, at least awful in that I don’t want to revisit that day. ick, I was a mess & it’s not something I want to share, but know I need to.)</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<em>Cheers to January!</em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-9176419779239350342014-01-07T10:31:00.001-05:002014-01-07T10:31:36.835-05:00Someone’s almost 30!<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-3KmDQa1tQVw/UswcYMSjDQI/AAAAAAAAHOM/aE757mfWeAg/s1600-h/DSC_0021%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0021 edited" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-bAF3wIQ-NmI/UswcZE8D5fI/AAAAAAAAHOU/yB1bUuwnLGY/DSC_0021%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="500" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0021 edited" width="750" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Today my main guy turns 29! And because it’s like the south pole here in NY, or more like colder than the south pole, he took the day off. A cold day if you will. Call it what you like, Emma & I are enjoying the extra lazy time with daddy. However, I definitely failed on the making a cake or a card or buying a present for him. OOOPS. Not even sure what I’ll cook for dinner since it’s too cold to go the the store! Guess he’ll have to settle for some baby giggles & hilarious jokes about almost being 30 from his wife! Because really, what better gift could he have? Mama’s got jokes. hah. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-g9gsDd1x8rA/UswcaBG5DWI/AAAAAAAAHOc/kWHMFXjVq78/s1600-h/DSC_0064%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0064 edited" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-FhVd7xdIcmo/UswcbMEgfcI/AAAAAAAAHOk/v2dNKKDDuWA/DSC_0064%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="500" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0064 edited" width="750" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-qoCr7yXaJWI/UswccZx6f_I/AAAAAAAAHOs/RODMU-w44a8/s1600-h/DSC_0067%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0067 edited" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-yoVHfXe9uAQ/UswcdR9oYwI/AAAAAAAAHO0/DXnzGdkCIwk/DSC_0067%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="500" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0067 edited" width="750" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-RaZiPlWzNIU/UswceGliK4I/AAAAAAAAHO8/9mMLkR2NVVw/s1600-h/DSC_0068%252520edited%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0068 edited" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-IUV0TlHmagg/UswcfM5ZP6I/AAAAAAAAHPE/16ksW1H0Ckc/DSC_0068%252520edited_thumb%25255B1%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="504" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0068 edited" width="754" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-c-iaRTBQ4EA/Uswcgj5EnhI/AAAAAAAAHPM/XPK60R71sVQ/s1600-h/DSC_0069%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0069 edited" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-sWBGcfEMuuc/UswchqxsjyI/AAAAAAAAHPU/HhyPvavHG6k/DSC_0069%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="578" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0069 edited" width="750" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Our child has an obsession with lights. A bit unhealthy, but so cute if you ask me. Except for when her obsession causes her to go into a fit of rage until we take her to the kitchen & let her stare at the ceiling light. Also can we talk about the beard? I’m a fan. It actually got thicker after this picture but then my almost 30 yr old, trimmed it up & I might have shed a tear over it. What can I say, I like the beard.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Now, let me get sappy for a second…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-gMECEsoMZD0/Uswci-zHsAI/AAAAAAAAHPc/rhcRglyh2tA/s1600-h/IMG_4046%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4046" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Gq_tjTEwqFc/UswcjtHds6I/AAAAAAAAHPk/t-fXckUeryw/IMG_4046_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="500" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4046" width="750" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Watching this guy become a daddy has been one of the best parts of welcoming Emma into our family. He is so gentle with her. And is basically the one that she wants when she’s fussy or wants some cuddling. I joke with him about the super rare occasions when I can tell he’s getting frustrated because she won’t eat or can’t be soothed (hello teeth & an amber necklace that doesn’t seem to be working!) because his grumpy face only lasts for about a second & then it’s like she melts in his arms & all is right in the world again. His love for her oozes out of him & it makes me think about the love our Father has for us. Emma really can’t do a whole lot wrong in her daddy’s eyes, his love is unconditional for her. How much more God loves us, our girl than we ever could. What a picture of joy these two show me! And the grace. Oh the grace. And the patience. I’m not really the best housewife, yet. I don’t have the whole accomplish everything & have dinner on the table & a clean house when the husband gets home under control. Most days he comes home to a wife still in her sweatpants, a messy kitchen, laundry all over, & at times a bit of a cranky “mama needs a break” attitude. But yet, he loves me. And says you’re doing a great job. And takes E so I can at least go wash my face & brush my teeth. He has such a calm & easy going attitude, which totally balances my hyper & life’s crazy attitude.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Luuqydr0dQ8/Uswckt0hxLI/AAAAAAAAHPs/w_Ya3-qy_fI/s1600-h/IMG_6227%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_6227 edited" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-WcDLMTZFH3c/UswcmD8b2bI/AAAAAAAAHP0/Dn2uSAevKes/IMG_6227%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="1000" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_6227 edited" width="750" /></a></em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>He is my perfect match.</em> </div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="center">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-kcHZ5XDIPOc/UswcnPyhwjI/AAAAAAAAHP8/MZTS0fsf88I/s1600-h/IMG_6522%252520edited%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_6522 edited" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-FsGBeQ5Nzsc/UswcoaE7tcI/AAAAAAAAHQE/RvH4NmxHgs0/IMG_6522%252520edited_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="1286" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_6522 edited" width="750" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Happy birthday to my handsome, stud-muffin, hunk of a man! Love you so much!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-40888972485782478402014-01-06T09:51:00.003-05:002014-01-06T10:02:02.938-05:00A New Word.<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-P0N282J7fgw/Usq9WRW8HdI/AAAAAAAAHN0/P4vWMllg_So/s1600-h/_DSC9615%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="_DSC9615" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-pGLm8K7F4HY/Usq9Xgq55vI/AAAAAAAAHN8/CtrB5xRDKc8/_DSC9615_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="497" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="_DSC9615" width="750" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Last year, when I picked my word, I had no idea that God was totally going to test every aspect of it. That He was going to make me work hard to remain true to it.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
That word was trust. Oh friends, I might be crying a little as I think back on the past year. As I read my post from last January. The one that I talked about trusting Him, with everything. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I wrote this… “<em>I’m trusting that Mr. will find a more financially stable job, one that ensures comfort for me staying home. I‘m trusting that the Lord will provide a nice home for us, one that I will finally get to call my own. I’m trusting that our sweet little peanut will enter this world healthy and strong. I’m trusting that my faith will grow. I’m trusting that my relationship with Mr. will continue to increase. I’m trusting that the Lord will continue to bless Believers Chapel. I’m trusting that the Lord will continue to grow friendships that foster respect and guidance. I’m trusting that I will continue to be blessed by the amazing girls in GLOW and Pearls.</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>I’m trusting that I will have enough trust.”</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Wow…. God has been so good to us. He really has. I look back on that paragraph and feel a twinge of disappointment. A little bit of sadness. A whole lot of happiness, though. Mike does not have a new job, but the Lord has met our financial needs every single month…down to the penny. We have a home. A nice one. Our little peanut entered this world. Not entirely healthy or strong, but alive & beautiful. My faith has most definitely grown. My relationship with Mike was forever changed the day we became parents together. In the most wonderful way. The Lord has blessed Believers Chapel in so many ways. It is growing & we are seeing lives changed for Christ. I have gained some of the most dear friendships with women who provide so much guidance. The girls of GLOW continue to blow my mind with their hearts and their desire to know Him more. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But I didn’t have enough trust. Keeping it real here. The month of May completely tested every ounce of trust I had. I wanted to run the opposite direction of trust. It was a struggle to rest in the promise that trusting him would keep me secure.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I mean really, 2013 was a year of so much joy. So much change. And so much growth. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But something feels different about 2014. I wish I knew how to explain it. Or even how to understand it myself. It’s just different. I’ve been praying about a word to commit to this year. One that will force me to focus in on my weakness & work hard to change. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It’s like 2013 basically chewed me up & spit me out. In a way that showed me how much grace God gives me every single morning I roll out of bed. My feet hit the ground & I NEEDed to be reminded that none of what I do is me. The silence I heard at certain prayer requests left me feeling unsure & antsy. I wanted immediate answers. Immediate “fixes” for all my problems. I wasn’t trusting. I was not at all confident that His silence still meant something. But It did. It always did. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I can reflect on this past year until I can’t stand my brain wandering anymore. I can decide that my suffering and pain were all for nothing. Because of my selfish & sinful ways.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Or I can realize that my suffering and pain were His ways of reminding me that I am dependent on Him. That all He did, worked together for joy. Each piece wove together to start a testimony for Emma & add on to my own.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The feelings of happiness & sadness that I felt simultaneously were ok. It was ok because He was doing a work on my heart. He was showing me that I am nothing apart from Him. I can accomplish nothing without Him. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
So this year, for 2014, <em>I want to surrender</em>. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<em>/ My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. Proverbs 23:26 /</em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Surrender my <b>pride. </b>My <b>marriage. </b>My <b>child. </b>My<b> job. </b>My <b>home. </b>My <b>relationships. </b>My <b>emotions. </b>My <b>desires</b>.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I know...He loves all these things more than I ever will, or could. He will protect these things. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>“I lay me down I’m not my own </em><br />
<em><em>I belong to you alone </em></em><br />
<em><em>Lay me down, lay me down </em></em><br />
<em><em>Hand on my heart this much is true </em></em><br />
<em><em>There’s no life apart from you </em></em><br />
<em>Lay me down, lay me down </em><br />
<em>Lay me down, lay me down”</em></div>
<em>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
</em><br />
<div align="justify">
I want to surrender & know…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>That</i> this freedom & surrender will be visible in my life by how I serve God and others.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>That</i> I won’t hold onto fear or anxiety or the unknown of the future.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>That</i> I won't have a death-grip on my child's health.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>That</i> I won’t be anchored to material things or things that hold no value at the end of the day. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>That</i> I won’t be consumed with expectations. My own or others. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>That</i> I will release the messed up view I have when I think about myself. My insecurities & the things that make me wish I was someone different.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>/ Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8 /</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
I know that the Lord is going to grow my faith even more this year. When I prayed & asked the Lord to teach me trust last year, He showed up. This year, when I pray & ask the Lord to teach me to surrender, I want Him to show up. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I’m saying want a lot in this post. I do want these things. I want to surrender. But ultimately it is a need for me. I haven’t been laying myself down. I haven’t been. And that has to change. I can’t live this life on my own. I can’t live this life apart from Him.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>“It will be my joy to say Your will Your way </em><br />
<em><em>It will be my joy to say Your will Your way </em></em><br />
<em><em>It will be my joy to say Your will Your way always”</em></em></div>
<em>
</em>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><em><br /></em></em></div>
<em>
</em>
<div align="justify">
My surrender will be a struggle. A commitment every single morning. Scary. Yes, I’m a little scared at what He will do with my surrender. A good scared. A scared that makes me smile & jump. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
He can take my desires, my longings, my family and turn them into something beautiful…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
If I surrender them. If I give them up. If I not just loosen, but completely let go of my grip on them...</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>I will find joy in this season of surrender…</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>/ Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! </em><em>Psalm 46:10 /</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<center>
<img align="center" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" height="35" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-58622410181524831182014-01-02T09:00:00.000-05:002014-01-02T09:00:00.041-05:00One Year Ago.<div align="justify">
It’s hard to believe that exactly one year ago, Mike & I were finally sitting at the midwife’s office to hear our babies heartbeat & hopefully sneak a peak. My heart is all over the place as I think back to the excitement and anxiousness I remember feeling. According to my guess, I was about 15 weeks along. I wasn’t feeling sick & I was most definitely gaining weight. But the tiny twinge of doubt was there. The wonder if maybe this baby wasn’t really a baby at all. I was nervous when the nurse sent me to the bathroom to give her a urine sample. I was nervous when she took the cup from me to test it. I was nervous when she walked into the room with no sign of yes or no on her face.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But then. Then He showed me just how faithful He always is.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The nurse told us that we were very pregnant. My midwife came in & said why don’t we check this little peanut out. She rolled an ancient machine over to the side of the bed & put that ice cold gel on my belly! I could hear Mike breathing to my left & I knew that making eye contact with him would send me into a fit of tears. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
And then we heard our babies heartbeat. So strong. So loud. So perfect. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
After a little moving of the wand, our Emma appeared on the screen & gave us a wave. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
A little hello. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
A big reminder that any doubt I had felt was completely wrong. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-eRFn_a0vvu8/UsMSHMiwxvI/AAAAAAAAHMU/uANvx8n_ZNg/s1600-h/IMG_3368%252520edited%25255B7%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_3368 edited" border="0" height="666" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-rSEpCSdht0M/UsMSIWMVt-I/AAAAAAAAHMc/XQ_e_6u-79Q/IMG_3368%252520edited_thumb%25255B9%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_3368 edited" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em>knit together in my womb…</em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="center">
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-EH1oOhW9Owk/UsMSJTB2MgI/AAAAAAAAHMk/N2kUWh9Rf4I/s1600-h/IMG_3622%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_3622" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-NAxyjDjlh8o/UsMSK2Aw8rI/AAAAAAAAHMs/WITi6zCcPMw/IMG_3622_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_3622" width="600" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>sent as a treasure, a gift…</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<em><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-MxeVLtNYFXY/UsMSL5V-2oI/AAAAAAAAHM0/aztWeJur3HQ/s1600-h/336%252520ALTRA_EDWARDS_20130410_160241_0003%25255B3%25255D.png"><img alt="336 ALTRA_EDWARDS_20130410_160241_0003" border="0" height="473" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-qyXiHCu9mcs/UsMSNlKfs2I/AAAAAAAAHM8/5YVay9u8RCg/336%252520ALTRA_EDWARDS_20130410_160241_0003_thumb%25255B7%25255D.png?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="336 ALTRA_EDWARDS_20130410_160241_0003" width="571" /></a></em><br />
<em><br /></em>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to this…</em></div>
<em><br /></em>
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-jSm7Yz7GGrY/UsMSOsl94FI/AAAAAAAAHNE/Uajzj8LYm2w/s1600-h/IMG_3980%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_3980" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-yIs_PirRQuU/UsMSPvYi58I/AAAAAAAAHNM/Qq0UOioke5o/IMG_3980_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_3980" width="700" /></a><br />
<em><br /></em>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>My sweet Emma…</em></div>
<em><br /></em>
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-MFMp6ouZm5k/UsMSQWkkhtI/AAAAAAAAHNU/sfmux7fGzE0/s1600-h/_DSC9726%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="_DSC9726" border="0" height="487" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-ShWaVu7oBW0/UsMSRZwKERI/AAAAAAAAHNc/548jyEXBMMA/_DSC9726_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="_DSC9726" width="700" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
The one that made 2013 my best year yet. <br />
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-83904480220599734512014-01-01T09:00:00.000-05:002014-01-01T09:00:00.335-05:00Here’s to 2014!<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-KTkFn7r4Zd4/UsGJw5qM0yI/AAAAAAAAG3c/y394Didotqw/s1600-h/love%252520and%252520joy%2525203%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="love and joy 3" border="0" height="603" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Dtrfw6gm1kQ/UsGJxu-KVeI/AAAAAAAAG3k/SKOOQbFIDzw/love%252520and%252520joy%2525203_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="love and joy 3" width="600" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Wishing you & yours a wonderful year full of love & joy! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am looking forward to sharing on a more regular basis around here! Lots of Emma stuff, of course! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-68306174756427321812013-12-31T09:00:00.001-05:002013-12-31T09:00:00.901-05:00Goodbye.<div align="justify">
As we celebrate a years passing, I’m reminded that time just really doesn’t stop. There is no going back & regaining any moment. Regardless of how hard we may try. 2013 was a year of so much joy & so many trials. My faith was literally rocked to its core & I was forced to my knees more times than I can count. I was tested.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Yet so, so very blessed.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-4_PvvJ1bV64/UsI28RPNkSI/AAAAAAAAHIc/H-rjLjo_-bI/s1600-h/January%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="January" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-Xcgvishz8dw/UsI29FcQstI/AAAAAAAAHIk/oX22OgJxyu8/January_thumb%25255B4%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="January" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-nzW04cLgZpk/UsI2-ok59LI/AAAAAAAAHIs/SNr9kjiJZXE/s1600-h/February%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="February" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-43gPpofwnyw/UsI2_ul9HkI/AAAAAAAAHI0/P2IqLF-gMss/February_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="February" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-iiBJHZAuBa4/UsI3AzxKL_I/AAAAAAAAHI8/8Ne4mEGRW0g/s1600-h/March%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="March" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-R-JV9rVRQMk/UsI3B_7JguI/AAAAAAAAHJE/8R3vnaK5fD8/March_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="March" width="750" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-t6NhUYuOT28/UsI3C8AfjqI/AAAAAAAAHJM/CDLlDobXOaI/s1600-h/April%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="April" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-2OVxi-mwZpI/UsI3DuHqK5I/AAAAAAAAHJU/LunbCUKEi6A/April_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="April" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-tS8m8Mr2rac/UsI3EpxWTrI/AAAAAAAAHJc/G-fW-RZrIw4/s1600-h/May%2525201%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="May 1" border="0" height="750" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-QIHqptts_Y0/UsI3FYE6KqI/AAAAAAAAHJk/1wuhyACTodc/May%2525201_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="May 1" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-bjtdkukGTp4/UsI3GNqUwsI/AAAAAAAAHJs/u0R8fj3tsVE/s1600-h/May%2525202%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="May 2" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-W9Ixs9ryoIc/UsI3HEtuK6I/AAAAAAAAHJ0/q5B5tT2QvzY/May%2525202_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="May 2" width="750" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-mKejJmPN9Ys/UsI3H_R61RI/AAAAAAAAHJ8/MK38Gvm6iqg/s1600-h/June%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="June" border="0" height="250" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-6sY_n3L71IY/UsI3I8RXCdI/AAAAAAAAHKE/e4d2xgJURMw/June_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="June" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-LI0QRfSNPVI/UsI3J0RiniI/AAAAAAAAHKM/gVsAPQuX4K4/s1600-h/July%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="July" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-1ORQkO15Xo8/UsI3K-DGJnI/AAAAAAAAHKU/pd-54S5oZm8/July_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="July" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-KkE12h2mMbk/UsI3MJA2AFI/AAAAAAAAHKc/5BZS-qumD1U/s1600-h/August%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="August" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Wqm5hkveGOE/UsI3NCkR1mI/AAAAAAAAHKk/gCpRuGeCj6Q/August_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="August" width="750" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-1LtgBZ3KGUU/UsI3OI3swdI/AAAAAAAAHKs/cb2uVj-J5jY/s1600-h/September%2525202%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="September 2" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-IrhAVCTSSH8/UsI3O-xC3HI/AAAAAAAAHK0/zvZzy41Mq0g/September%2525202_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="September 2" width="750" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-YCMMs3d79qA/UsI3PheojJI/AAAAAAAAHK8/8I6dCXzhvmQ/s1600-h/October%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="October" border="0" height="250" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-S5wAvEhpW_s/UsI3QUdjcQI/AAAAAAAAHLE/ElVfoEfCRrM/October_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="October" width="750" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-naVznaNVDio/UsI3RfSylHI/AAAAAAAAHLI/k1vQ-ZLnM7o/s1600-h/November%2525203%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="November 3" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-AwvM2_kv-m0/UsI3SYozBMI/AAAAAAAAHLU/QAostaApF88/November%2525203_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="November 3" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-riJ3rA2uOH4/UsI3TSv509I/AAAAAAAAHLc/dE-Phcbkp0I/s1600-h/November%2525202%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="November 2" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-8oCAc83TgxI/UsI3UDREMII/AAAAAAAAHLk/s-kzcrQ15KU/November%2525202_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="November 2" width="750" /></a><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-y2_Vf8LoB98/UsI3VdZCEuI/AAAAAAAAHLs/Z7mAVlMI4ts/s1600-h/December%2525202%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="December 2" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-QGYZ2ZG4tj4/UsI3WJgPPdI/AAAAAAAAHL0/qPKtNuad2yc/December%2525202_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="December 2" width="750" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-stXnw7FR3I0/UsI3XIyLx8I/AAAAAAAAHL8/XKxxyujuWss/s1600-h/December%2525203%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="December 3" border="0" height="375" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-D625jg9XSSg/UsI3YGnRFzI/AAAAAAAAHME/WAvMMn7MzYI/December%2525203_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="December 3" width="750" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
2013…goodbye to you!</div>
<br />
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-49637636173653624862013-12-24T09:17:00.000-05:002013-12-24T09:17:05.445-05:00Merry Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-BErg838Z0Ho/UriOggYa8nI/AAAAAAAAG2k/MIY4W_IAmBY/s1600-h/IMG_6541%25255B6%25255D.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="IMG_6541" border="0" height="690" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-jNczwhrsM5A/UriOhnoxLdI/AAAAAAAAG2s/0helVdHyeYA/IMG_6541_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_6541" width="500" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-gaFTjzF08KY/UriOiclUC3I/AAAAAAAAG20/PLukhhAakBk/s1600-h/IMG_6540%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_6540" border="0" height="916" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-M3SYVB9Q_ME/UriOjcqrELI/AAAAAAAAG28/I3vqtGwK1tc/IMG_6540_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_6540" width="500" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-PKMKj8BArUQ/UriOkCd1jFI/AAAAAAAAG3E/YsV8jmf9IYU/s1600-h/IMG_6533%252520edit%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_6533 edit" border="0" height="702" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-yYXPXbjxSgI/UriOk4rYhbI/AAAAAAAAG3M/oslDucYwLGI/IMG_6533%252520edit_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_6533 edit" width="500" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Wishing you & your family a wonderful Christmas day full of joy & rest! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Praising our creator for giving me the very best gift this year!<br />
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-8386388673993109452013-12-23T12:04:00.004-05:002013-12-23T12:04:54.864-05:00How cute is this girl?<div align="justify">
So this is the first post after the 20 part birth story…. Where to even start? I have so much to share about the past 7 months, some happy & some tough. I have a ton more to say about Emma health wise & am working on the post about her hip journey, but for now I think I’ll just share some recent pictures until the holidays are over & I have time to write again!<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
These are some of the ones that didn't make the <strike>Christmas Card</strike> New Years card cut…(new mom = way late on cards)<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-lQbWftMtKk0/Urhrs9zBq5I/AAAAAAAAG08/k5oaKYaewdc/s1600-h/DSC_0006%252520copy%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0006 copy" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-lreVOUcJm9U/Urhrt2JF9PI/AAAAAAAAG1E/6eaYLgA3WAs/DSC_0006%252520copy_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0006 copy" width="700" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-DojZE_Egc1Y/UrhrugvCrmI/AAAAAAAAG1M/GalY8PSITOw/s1600-h/DSC_0008%252520copy%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0008 copy" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-D31UNrlESzU/UrhrwFa8NFI/AAAAAAAAG1U/Yjnke-d6LPw/DSC_0008%252520copy_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0008 copy" width="700" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-R-J6g68eQYc/UrhrxBKybCI/AAAAAAAAG1c/GdzrnrArDxc/s1600-h/DSC_0009%252520copy%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0009 copy" border="0" height="1050" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-7kwXFUrJUv0/Urhrx50Oe0I/AAAAAAAAG1k/VUtK2LIOxx0/DSC_0009%252520copy_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0009 copy" width="700" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-hm0l_EXchEk/UrhryqOosRI/AAAAAAAAG1s/OzKhwFGB1Lo/s1600-h/DSC_0024%252520copy%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0024 copy" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-4tNAmAEC0d8/UrhrzY5GTlI/AAAAAAAAG10/CZC6RIqBAQc/DSC_0024%252520copy_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0024 copy" width="700" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Aev5V6P8J6Y/Urhr0Ytk3SI/AAAAAAAAG18/06F-il3sgY4/s1600-h/DSC_0025%252520copy%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0025 copy" border="0" height="1050" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-sDg8a0LQl6M/Urhr1tHNEGI/AAAAAAAAG2E/np3R2_TqGLs/DSC_0025%252520copy_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0025 copy" width="700" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-1NFbjqo4RlA/Urhr2Y58-HI/AAAAAAAAG2M/VqjSCzoLTxQ/s1600-h/DSC_0036%252520copy%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0036 copy" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-I0dWXQ_kEUY/Urhr3d48PuI/AAAAAAAAG2U/dB4N4iRgnFg/DSC_0036%252520copy_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0036 copy" width="700" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
<br />
Completely bias opinion right here, but seriously my girl is too cute. My favorite ones might be where she is "reading" her book! Tummy time has been a struggle because of 3 months in a harness, so when she actually starts to enjoy it & reach for her book, I get a little excited! And then when I get the perfect picture to show daddy how good she did, I get even more excited!<br />
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-11337891141190259962013-12-11T11:20:00.001-05:002013-12-11T11:20:20.487-05:00Home. Part 20<div align="justify">
<em>Friday, June 21</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike texted me and said that E took 65 & 75 throughout the night! He also got more sleep this time around. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The best part of his night.. happened when she pooped, so he changed her. She pooped again, he changed her. She pooped again. Ha… made me giggle!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But really, what happened next was what I had been waiting to hear for 5 weeks…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
“babe, bring the car seat in with you when you get here.”</div>
<div align="justify">
“wait! what? you mean, today, really”"?”</div>
<div align="justify">
“Yes! The nurse just popped in & said Emma is going home today!”</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I immediately called Mike & wanted details. He didn’t have many, just that the nurse came in after Emma drank 70 ml to take her back to the nursery & said we have a few more things to check off the list & then you’re taking your baby home today!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Oh how my heart was pounding. So hard. I could not contain my excitement!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It felt so good carrying her car seat in that morning. The security guards that had grown to know me & give me a good morning with an approving nod as I bypassed the check in, gave me a huge smile & said is today the day? </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Why yes, yes it is!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike had tried getting a few more hours of sleep after the nurse took E. She got her hip & leg ultrasound during this time!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
As we are making our way back to her room, Dr. Nair stops us in the hall & congratulates us! She says, I can’t think of any more reasons to keep Emma her besides her being so darn cute. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Ha. not reason enough for us to stick around the NICU any longer!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Angelica starts doing blood work and discharge exam. The fellow comes in & says they want to take Emma to see the orthopedic dr because her ultrasound showed something minor. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We head to the 2nd floor & the ortho doc does an exam. Says she feels fine and moves fine but because of the slight issue on the ultrasound he wants us to double diaper her and come back in 2 months. Says her hip is shallow and sometimes kids grow out of the problem and others don't. We are trusting God that Emma will be in the first group. She'll get an x ray at 7 months to check again…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
*side note-there is so much more to this part of Emma’s story then what we first thought after this conversation with the dr. Just another point along this journey that God used my sweet little girl to completely grow my faith…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Claudia is there when we get back & takes over the discharge papers. E drinks about 75 ml and we buckle her into her car seat for the 90 minute test. She has to sit in it with no issues for that long before they feel comfortable sending her home. We aren’t worried. She also does E’s hearing test during this time too.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
M & I head to lunch and are basically skipping around. We stop at target to get some last minute things since I don’t plan on being in the city for a long, long time after driving away. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When we get back to the hospital, Claudia says that Emma passed both tests & she is READY TO GO HOME!!!!!!!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike feeds her while I finish signing a million papers. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Oh friends, I don’t think a hurricane could have knocked the grin off my face. Even if I kept feeling like someone was going to walk in and say oooops, sorry mom but she can’t go home. we found … </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We get E dressed & buckled into her seat!! Mike leaves to go get the car and drive it to the er drop off to pick us up. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Lauren (adoptive mom) is in the hall to cheer us on & wish us well. The nurses & dr’s all share big smiles & congratulations as we wheel E out of the NICU. For the final time. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Meet M at the ER & put E in the car. Squeeze Claudia’s neck nice & tight. Oh this woman played a huge role in sending E home! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
(and yes, we joked the whole day that Lynn wasn’t going to be happy to come in on Saturday to see Emma gone, or should I say Mike gone :) We all knew how much she would miss his sarcasm! Love you Lynn!) </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
And away we go… the hospital in our rearview mirror. The longest, hardest thing we had ever done becoming a smaller dot in a big city skyline. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Emma sleeps the whole time. We stop at Marshalls & Walmart to get some essentials.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike & I have a pretty intense worship session during the drive. O the blood brings me to tears…but this time a very different type of tears. Ones that hold hope & excitement & a dream of what was to come. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
And then, just like that, Mike is carrying our girl into our home… </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I’m crying as I type this. I’m not sure words could ever truly explain how I felt in those first moments home…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Moments that I had expected to happen 5 weeks earlier, moments that I had expected to be filled with smiles & no drama, moments that I had begun to think would never come.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I was home! With my daughter! In our home! OUR HOME! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
And it was perfect… completely perfect. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The pain & anger & frustration & anxiety were all a faint memory , if only for that night. But yes they weren’t there. After 5 long weeks, I had a peace. A comfort that only God could have given me. A joy that could not be put out…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We serve a faithful God, one who never..not for a second…left me. Even through the times I felt I was alone & empty, He was there. I could see His hand throughout every piece of this story…<br />
<br />
His love leading us through the night...</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Our Emma Joy, our girl of all consuming jubilation, was finally home…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-_LDLbkcl6kg/UqiPgucjCiI/AAAAAAAAGxM/DpxgeaEh950/s1600-h/IMG_4501%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4501" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-bJKAXc_rgkg/UqiPh6mBSgI/AAAAAAAAGxU/3jIoQgVDqEw/IMG_4501_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4501" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-3isSh72RzHw/UqiPixeXKtI/AAAAAAAAGxc/LiFGkMCSa_M/s1600-h/IMG_4500%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4500" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-er-Od1bCUE4/UqiPj18H83I/AAAAAAAAGxk/eGfXLHp_4ek/IMG_4500_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4500" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-JmsRGVPljYE/UqiPlEdMdhI/AAAAAAAAGxs/cgjoDrWxMqE/s1600-h/IMG_4499%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4499" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-KP7IfQmf5tA/UqiPmE42__I/AAAAAAAAGx0/UkmprTMa1pU/IMG_4499_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4499" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-vcQ8NABhVOQ/UqiPnG3fZ4I/AAAAAAAAGx8/P7NhxmJsP-w/s1600-h/IMG_4497%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4497" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-WraKqER0c-I/UqiPoXG0KAI/AAAAAAAAGyE/-w6UJMIpf8o/IMG_4497_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4497" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-zmi7Wl6h25U/UqiPpjmmsaI/AAAAAAAAGyI/fXpoW0a5KKk/s1600-h/IMG_4498%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4498" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-QqCG5nuP4v8/UqiPqiI0e8I/AAAAAAAAGyU/iHfR949_Teo/IMG_4498_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4498" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-FAwPDvhuB2Q/UqiPr4W8kaI/AAAAAAAAGyc/m4zgkjJVRRI/s1600-h/IMG_4504%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4504" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-IlCjTpKy4HM/UqiPtCqY4KI/AAAAAAAAGyk/ThHyDKWIkkA/IMG_4504_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4504" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-YMFPjVBfqqU/UqiPuKiJ5KI/AAAAAAAAGys/6swXAAxqp0g/s1600-h/IMG_4506%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4506" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-7BU11BqpXS4/UqiPvDfdBQI/AAAAAAAAGy0/tLitBf2OhiQ/IMG_4506_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4506" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-dMQ_z_cYZRI/UqiPwdlv_BI/AAAAAAAAGy8/aIxMsXaKfKY/s1600-h/IMG_4514%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4514" border="0" height="600" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Cxa4MmqjN7M/UqiPxSUggeI/AAAAAAAAGzE/LRgposU82Wk/IMG_4514_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4514" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-tMCsx4uWqFU/UqiPypkQzyI/AAAAAAAAGzM/FHCZnKPYDfg/s1600-h/IMG_4515%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4515" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-qPqq3OTyu6Y/UqiPzrOyZwI/AAAAAAAAGzU/hkCyVU_GcQY/IMG_4515_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4515" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-9hKhl7FSsHg/UqiP0cV9xFI/AAAAAAAAGzc/PNwJ3x1GpcQ/s1600-h/IMG_4516%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4516" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-Rru1kN_JazQ/UqiP1m4yonI/AAAAAAAAGzk/Tk88STlyQC8/IMG_4516_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4516" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-BOBXKbEGMLA/UqiP2v6uURI/AAAAAAAAGzs/IaywnbiCDsA/s1600-h/IMG_4517%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4517" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-d6Ga6iAMiMc/UqiP3p9HtiI/AAAAAAAAGz0/9NsC_Au0Avg/IMG_4517_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4517" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-ihctQI_oTvU/UqiP4jn1-2I/AAAAAAAAGz8/Tcyu_-fpo74/s1600-h/IMG_4520%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4520" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-8l5k_Lo14x8/UqiP5zF9GvI/AAAAAAAAG0E/lYLnU1xgHww/IMG_4520_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4520" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-uhHyEe5Jna4/UqiP6qvvrwI/AAAAAAAAG0M/eYLvnHbMJrw/s1600-h/IMG_4523%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4523" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-czZ1lTYTP2c/UqiP7i7jYZI/AAAAAAAAG0U/45Xi3D09xc8/IMG_4523_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4523" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><strike>to be continued</strike>... No. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This part of Emma’s story is done. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Her NICU stay over. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Her life at home just beginning...</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-12903589248517541082013-12-10T10:20:00.001-05:002013-12-10T10:20:06.390-05:00Overnights. Part 19<div align="justify">
<em>Wednesday, June 19</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
When I get to the hospital, Mike says that he got about 1 hour of sleep. Emma took 26 at midnight and 70 at 5 am. She was really fussy throughout the night. M thinks it was because it was a different bed then she was used to and he didn’t swaddle her very well. He also experienced her first blow out.. All the way up her back and then she peed while he was changing her. I had to laugh at that!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She’s ready to eat at 9:30 and takes 70 ml. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Lynn decides to start her discharge papers. Which is really just a checklist hung by her bed to mark things off that they’ve already tested for. Lynn just keeps encouraging us that we are almost done. Almost there. We give E a bath to rid her of the poopy blow out smell.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike said that the Dr’s mention wanting to do an MRI, but he didn’t get any other information. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The PA comes in to examine E.. She notices a “clunk” in her hip and wants to do an ultrasound to make sure it’s nothing serious. They toss around braces, casts, & surgery…and my little glimmer of hope flashes out for a second. What more can they possibly find wrong with my sweet girl..</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The neurologist comes in and checks Emma.. Says there’s no reason to do an MRI, she looks and acts great.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She takes 65ml at her next feeding & we put her down for a nap.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We go to the mall & lunch.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
E is ready to eat when we get back & takes 60 ish.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Emma & I cuddle for a bit after Mike and Tony leave to head home. Around 10 pm, the nurses say that we can go down to the overnight room. They don’t send any monitors with me though. Basically, the monitors are only hooked to E because she is in the NICU. But at this point, and for awhile before, she hasn’t needed the monitors. So the nurse sees no point in bringing then down for the night since E doesn’t need them.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
E gets fussy around 11 but falls back asleep until midnight. I nurse her and she does really well on the left side & then takes 67. She seems really upset but won’t take anymore from the bottle. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I put her in her crib & try getting comfortable on the pull out couch… side note-not comfortable.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Thursday, June 20</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Up around 3:30, nurse comes down at 4 and takes Emma’s vitals. I nurse her and she takes 54 from the bottle. Totally passes out again before I can get her to finish it. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Up again at 7:30 and I nurse her. She drinks 58 at 8 am. The nurse takes her back to her room & tells me to get a few hours of sleep before I have to be out of the room so it can be cleaned. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Once I’m up & ready, I go to Emma’s room. The nurse says she is still gaining weight which is great news. </div>
<div align="justify">
The doctor stops me in the hall and says she wants to keep observing Emma for 2-3 more days. … I feel like I’ll lose it if I hear that time frame again. She tells me that Emma’s urination level has decreased, but when I ask the nurse about it she doesn’t seen any of that in the chart. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
E chugs 80 at her next feeding and acts like I’ve been starving her. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Head out for lunch and target while E naps.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I visit with Lauren, the adoptive mom for a bit. I pump before going back in to see E.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Nurse says she took 80 ml again!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
There are some new twins being admitted… Completely heartbreaking and hard to watch as they do the same things to these precious babes as they did to mine a few weeks ago… The dr asks if I’m ok or if I need to step out while they work, before I can answer.. a few nurses chuckle and say “oh no, Liz is a pro in here…she could probably help us out if we need it.” Ha yea …you know you’ve been there too long when that happens. One of the twins crashes and the dad is ushered closer to the door. The pain and fear in his eyes is horrifying. I am again, so thankful that I didn’t have to witness much of the first 24 hours of Emma’s journey…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike and his parents show up, but because the doctors are still working on the new twins only Mike is able to come back for a quick visit. We go out and get pizza while we wait for them to finish. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I go visit Lauren & the twins in their new room. Cuddle with little Avery & she is the sweetest. We swap gifts! You know I had to buy those cuties some clothes. They are tiny little things!! Lauren crotched the prettiest hat for Emma!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Nate is visiting when I make it back to Emma’s room. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike walks me out & heads back in to stay with Emma for the night…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The journey feels like it’s been going on forever & I leave that night with a hope that maybe by the end of the weekend I’ll be taking my baby home…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Oh, how little I really knew…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
How big our God is…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-ggQ1FZtzs7Y/Uqcvrm3TsJI/AAAAAAAAGu0/nenmbgLYjhk/s1600-h/IMG_4480%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4480" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-ca2NFkkqc5U/Uqcvs9ufNDI/AAAAAAAAGu8/btxI_jH5hhU/IMG_4480_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4480" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-T9OVy5sz5Uw/UqcvuPW5hgI/AAAAAAAAGvE/hbYELk4xPCY/s1600-h/IMG_4482%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4482" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-8El-PdjijdY/UqcvvdMEQNI/AAAAAAAAGvM/0ezDRO9CN60/IMG_4482_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4482" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-3tDCcJnzAYg/Uqcvweo3qbI/AAAAAAAAGvU/UEOnzQmrBHs/s1600-h/IMG_4485%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4485" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-hu9nhlNuz5I/Uqcvxd2oajI/AAAAAAAAGvc/Y5WfFOsomrw/IMG_4485_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4485" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-16q-3RDkMvM/UqcvyUEUwtI/AAAAAAAAGvk/7PN81Rtgsvs/s1600-h/IMG_4479%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4479" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-rGIMpV8sf78/Uqcvzr7eInI/AAAAAAAAGvs/r7eiP11ABnw/IMG_4479_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4479" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-C8OlGvsFbv0/Uqcv08QQEKI/AAAAAAAAGv0/AsAsbQ6NY9k/s1600-h/IMG_4484%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4484" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-izUY5K20NGo/Uqcv2axY2CI/AAAAAAAAGv8/oxkrxWdFaR0/IMG_4484_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4484" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Cd_cZZ9telw/Uqcv3vkIyvI/AAAAAAAAGwE/3-4roH-bMSU/s1600-h/IMG_4488%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4488" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-WeHzarFs2ig/Uqcv43bEANI/AAAAAAAAGwM/E5LqT1i_3Do/IMG_4488_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4488" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-fK8JUwF_44c/Uqcv6C-STNI/AAAAAAAAGwU/9PozEj9jTb0/s1600-h/IMG_4490%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4490" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-RWCcpY0J-b8/Uqcv7SfupKI/AAAAAAAAGwc/RGJgHL_LReE/IMG_4490_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4490" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-Xkn7v5wmnPU/Uqcv8G6dR_I/AAAAAAAAGwk/e_ru6aGJgRw/s1600-h/IMG_4493%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4493" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-6TEZg4C-twk/Uqcv9Vzk0_I/AAAAAAAAGws/A-r1Am99p0c/IMG_4493_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4493" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-Xxm2ntjUYJ0/Uqcv-XM4mLI/AAAAAAAAGw0/qNvvNHhTRS0/s1600-h/IMG_4495%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4495" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-sejK11EQQS4/Uqcv_qFA4JI/AAAAAAAAGw8/2MfkksT0GX0/IMG_4495_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4495" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-35627840961700344322013-12-06T08:59:00.000-05:002013-12-06T08:59:27.140-05:00My Birthday. Part 18<div align="justify">
<em>Tuesday, June 18</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
I’m greeted by Lynn and a sweet little baby without a feeding tube in. Lynn said it was time to let this girl sink or swim. The physician’s assistant stops in and says they want to give Emma time to drink & watch her weight gain. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I’m excited by this because we had been asking for this all along.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But then, I’m told that throughout the night, Emma didn’t take much. Which is fine, ok. But then that the night nurse didn’t even wake Emma up or attempt to feed her a bottle at her 6 am feeding. She just put it straight down the feeding tube.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Say what? Aren’t we in the NICU because Emma won’t eat… She’s learning how to understand her body and it’s signs of hunger. Yet, the nurse didn’t think it was necessary to work on that? I wasn’t happy. Neither was Mike when I told him. He decided that he would be staying all night with Emma, even if it meant sleeping in a chair beside her bed. He was a papa bear, to say the very least. We felt very frustrated that the night nurse didn’t do what was expected… Especially when the PA told us the nurse would have been better off skipping that feeding instead of giving it to E through the tube…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I get her to take 59 ml and then it’s bath time! Lynn puts some spa music & Emma enters her happy place. Ha…girl loves her baths.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I take some time to cuddle with my girl. It’s crazy how many emotions I felt that day. It was my birthday & not at all how I planned on spending it. I thought I’d still be carrying this babe around in my belly & feeling anxious & excited to meet her. Yet, I was sitting in a hospital. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I posted this on instagram that day…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>A year ago I was not at all interested in celebrating my birthday…I was feeling sad & discouraged that I wasn’t a mama yet. I just ached to fill my arms with a child of my own…my “life-plan” was a baby by my 25th birthday, yet there I was without…And now here we are with this amazing miracle in my arms! Not only did The Lord hear that cry, He answered it in the most amazing way. This little girl undoubtedly makes each day better. She is 4 weeks old today & is such a fighter already. God has mighty things planned for this one & my heart just leaps knowing I get to fill my days tending to her every need. What a different a year makes, God is so faithful friends! He gives us the desires of our hearts. This tiny miracle bundled up & cozy on my chest is proof of just how marvelous the God we serve is. Thank you Lord for another birthday, another year to worship you, another year to be this sweet girls mama..</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Really, that about sums it up…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Tree, Brittany, Sara, & Jamie came up to surprise me with a visit & lunch for my birthday! They all filter back to love on Emma. I love seeing my friends, who have prayed many prayers for me & for Emma, getting to smile & hold my daughter.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When I get back from lunch, Lynn said she took all of her bottle so she rewarded her with some time in the swing. Cutest thing ever, E just rocking away. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She starts getting hungry again around 5 & takes all of her bottle again!! So basically, Lynn could see that the switch had happened for Emma. She needed to do this on her own without a tube constantly keeping her belly full!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike gets there with a big birthday kiss, of course! His parents take us to dinner for my birthday.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When we get back to the hospital, E takes 63 ml & seems ready for bed. The nurse tells Mike that he can take Emma and stay in one of the overnight/pumping rooms. Nothing fancy but better then a chair in a room with 5 other babies and nurses. They wheel Emma and all of the portable machines down to the room & tell Mike to page them when she wakes up to eat. The nurse will then bring down her bottle and take her vitals.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I kiss my family goodnight & head to Nicole’s for the night.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Looking back, I don’t think I realized how amazing my husband was. He, from day 1, became the protector of our little family. Our little girl. I mean, really think about it… The mom is usually the one who spends her nights tending to the baby. Up for feedings & changes & just generally not sleeping a wink. But here was my man, telling me “no..you are exhausted & wiped out from doing nothing more than sitting at her bed side day after day. let me do this. let me stay with her overnight & care for her. make sure she is ok.” </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
That man….talk about a selfless love. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I think Mike was the most genuine reflection of Christ’s love during all of this… Loving our girl. Loving me…when I made it difficult & hard, he still showed me that I was his number one.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
This birthday might not have been anything like I expected it to be, but God knew exactly what He was doing on June 18th…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
He was working something fierce on my heart…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-7rs_zFMwgSI/UqHXCCaF8XI/AAAAAAAAGs0/ii5pZtyW9_0/s1600-h/IMG_4467%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4467" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-44tB1tBHD0g/UqHXCzVDaOI/AAAAAAAAGs8/ZQS7XGrLpxk/IMG_4467_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4467" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-DEeI4ibQsMo/UqHXDnqWRMI/AAAAAAAAGtE/U70HxO3QvL0/s1600-h/IMG_4468%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4468" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-41n9rtzd5oE/UqHXEtcTs9I/AAAAAAAAGtM/UNsIxUnqjec/IMG_4468_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4468" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-3X15dEXsB3g/UqHXFdhNPhI/AAAAAAAAGtU/3lAC_jGWk9s/s1600-h/IMG_4475%25255B14%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4475" border="0" height="600" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-MiMf3PnHy3c/UqHXGS7xhrI/AAAAAAAAGtc/izNle1uHIUE/IMG_4475_thumb%25255B8%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4475" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-aa3-2ru_2Mw/UqHXHNUsk-I/AAAAAAAAGtk/YoDyIWMgJdU/s1600-h/c45aed26d84711e2922a22000a1fdc29_7%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="c45aed26d84711e2922a22000a1fdc29_7" border="0" height="600" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-T9UfPSEsT6o/UqHXIOnT9PI/AAAAAAAAGts/X8fXrt_UpdE/c45aed26d84711e2922a22000a1fdc29_7_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="c45aed26d84711e2922a22000a1fdc29_7" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-vo8fCnyWSFY/UqHXI_3m-EI/AAAAAAAAGt0/ZGWbhTrn75M/s1600-h/fbad8a9ed84811e2948222000a1f9307_7%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img alt="fbad8a9ed84811e2948222000a1f9307_7" border="0" height="600" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-cvyg3LHWMZo/UqHXJ69SnzI/AAAAAAAAGt4/YFmhFnthhw8/fbad8a9ed84811e2948222000a1f9307_7_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="fbad8a9ed84811e2948222000a1f9307_7" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-mQB1t3-L7F4/UqHXKvTCqJI/AAAAAAAAGuE/dt7Hj0a2pEU/s1600-h/IMG_4477%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4477" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/--VVs17Kc55A/UqHXLaqaVYI/AAAAAAAAGuM/F_lv-4nsJjI/IMG_4477_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4477" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-349628473336388082013-12-05T11:28:00.000-05:002013-12-05T11:28:09.771-05:00One Step Forward, Two Steps Back. Part 17<div align="justify">
<em>Saturday, June 15</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
We stop at some stores to look for a few things we still need for Emma’s nursery on the way to the hospital. </div>
<div align="justify">
A nurse is feeding Emma when we get to the hospital & the feeding tube is back in… Lynn had told the night nurse not to put it back in until we got there in the morning, but the nurse made her own decision. Emma took 72 ml, 70 ml, & then 45 ml at one of her night feedings, so the nurse put the tube back in. Mike took over feeding her and she took 62 before the rest went in the tube. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Jada & Kennedy stop in for a visit & bring the cutest hat & some lunch. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I try nursing for her 2 o’clock feeding. It’s definitely obvious that Emma knows she can get immediate results from the bottle but not from me. It’s frustrating, but I know this is just the situation we are in & the result of doing both bottle and nursing. She latched for about 5 minutes before turning away. Mike gets her to take 50 more from a bottle but said that it took her a lot of work. The nurse agrees to take the tube back out for a bit.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
While she naps we head out to get some fresh air. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She is waking up when we get back, so Mike feeds her while I pump. She takes 60, which sounds good to us…but the nurse says the tube will probably end up going back in. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We say our goodbyes & drive home for the night. Mike puts the stroller and shelves together.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Sunday, June 16</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Today is our church’s summer picnic & baptisms! I want to be with my kiddos & teach their lesson, but Sean & Rene say no no no! They force me to simply do nothing to help out. Of course, I snuck off to visit with them quick! But it was so, so nice to listen to Sean preach & worship. The baptisms are afterwards & Tony surprised us all when he gets baptized! A couple of the GLOW girls get baptized too! I get to snuggle with Kahlan for a bit. It’s funny, but I feel like she knows something is “wrong.” This girl has a huge attachment to Mike & a mild one to me. Her giant smile when she sees us was so perfect. She is clingy to both of us this morning & it was totally ok with me. She was filling the ache in my arms because I should have been holding Emma that morning at the picnic..</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We stop at home so that I can pump before we drive back to Buffalo. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The nurse tells us that she was only taking about 40 since we left, but Mike gets her to drink 58.. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Monday, June 17</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
E took about 40-50 throughout the night. The physical therapist comes in & tells me that Emma needs to work on her head & neck muscles because they are weak. Also told me that I need to work on getting her to roll to her left side more. She favors the right side, naturally. She was propped on that side for quite a few days right when she was born because of her collapsed lungs. (side note-she still favors the right side, even after 3 months of not being able to roll to a side, she immediately went back to it)</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Patient care coordinator comes in after & talks about all of our personal information. She said she visits when we get closer to discharge.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Claudia says the dr’s upped her feeds to 82 ml. Which means she needs to be consistently drinking that amount from the bottle every single time before they will let her come home. Mike calls our pediatrician to get his opinion on all of this. It feels like they are just continuing to add amounts on, as though they don’t want us to leave. We want the tube to come out and for Emma to figure out how to show us she is hungry & actually be hungry… The dr says he will call the hospital and get an update then call Mike back with his opinion. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I nurse her and she does really well on the left side, then takes 60 from her bottle. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
As I’m heading out to pump & get lunch, her dr stops me in the hall. Her 3rd dr. And honestly, the only one who has really made any type of effort to speak with us & keep us in the loop.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She tells me that it might be time to consider putting a semi permanent feeding tube in Emma’s stomach. A g-tube. One that we could use, at home, to ensure that she is getting what she needs regardless of how much she takes from the bottle. We could discuss taking the tube out after a year or two, once E figures out how to eat. She also tells me it is a good idea to reconsider the deeper genetic and neurological testing. And that some babies are in the hospital until they reach 44 weeks because of the problems E is dealing with. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I am stunned. It takes all I have to walk away without completely losing it in front of her. I call Mike & he talks me off the ledge. I take my time to have a melt-down and cry and vent to him. Which in hindsight I shouldn’t have. He was miles away at work with no way of dealing with any of this right at the moment. I was just adding stress and anxiety to his day.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My heart is so heavy. I am trying desperately to cling to Jesus… The weight of all these decisions was hard. The anxiety and the unknown basically had me drowning. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I leave the hospital. Those walls felt tight and suffocating.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When I get back, I ask Claudia about the stomach tube. She says that there is absolutely nothing in Emma’s chart that mentions it, so the dr was simply letting me know it was an option. That maybe she was just planting a seed about it..</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
That does nothing to calm my heart…or head.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike gets there & immediately feeds E. He gets her to take 75 ml in 20 minutes. She guzzled it down. I pump & get a ton. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The stress from earlier disappears for awhile as we celebrate how great Emma did drinking!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But really, as the night came to an end & we said goodbye to our girl again. And I said goodbye to my husband again. I felt lost. I wanted to sit Jesus down & ask Him why… Why all of this. Why us. Why my daughter. Just why. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We would feel so close, so excited about progress & going home soon. Then it felt like we would get hit by a semi. Going 100 mph. Completely knocking any hope out of us. I hated it. I hated feeling so unsure about things. I am type-a. I like plans. And I like knowing what to expect.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
This.. All of this… was not what I expected. I remember crying a lot this day. And night. I had Hillsong on repeat. I was crying out to God. I just wanted this to be done.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I would see the light, see the hospital in our rear view mirror as we drove away with Emma. Then it would get dark & the hope would be crushed..</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-Br0gzDT4RGY/UqCof2LRI6I/AAAAAAAAGoY/Gf_1aK8qdMw/s1600-h/IMG_4430%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4430" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/--d0_hU_ZfRE/UqCoggX7V5I/AAAAAAAAGog/U8QD2MrcvM4/IMG_4430_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4430" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-coJCl5WoBAQ/UqCohguKZBI/AAAAAAAAGok/od8kbzBsyPc/s1600-h/IMG_4432%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4432" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-E13bWLXa38k/UqCoiWlUEDI/AAAAAAAAGow/5ir-2fCneA8/IMG_4432_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4432" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-cgNTh9iCVBE/UqCojB-jxMI/AAAAAAAAGo4/OFUx_t9PrKs/s1600-h/IMG_4436%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4436" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-6ByiZ8XJY1U/UqCoj0OQYjI/AAAAAAAAGpA/SurR7oCYqkI/IMG_4436_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4436" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-zQ2y1LO4RYc/UqCokkdaCCI/AAAAAAAAGpE/hCHM7-j1uQQ/s1600-h/IMG_4441%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4441" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-QtkRIJ_Yzkk/UqColR9FKYI/AAAAAAAAGpQ/aMbL3OGMUac/IMG_4441_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4441" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-RubczmCrj8s/UqComBuBQXI/AAAAAAAAGpY/tMx_Gi5mLQg/s1600-h/IMG_4442%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4442" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-SJZOBH75Cwk/UqCom5Kx9DI/AAAAAAAAGpg/EcUYDQy1dgE/IMG_4442_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4442" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-kHXPlNUAI3I/UqConl2IA9I/AAAAAAAAGpo/jxs9tjJdGtQ/s1600-h/IMG_4447%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4447" border="0" height="796" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-VD06iTXf49Q/UqCooVeMm4I/AAAAAAAAGpw/5_tpjzPZ-D4/IMG_4447_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4447" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-4kYzgefa89M/UqCopJaVZnI/AAAAAAAAGp4/F0X7sTfrLcg/s1600-h/IMG_4437%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4437" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-TPGuYiPP4GE/UqCoqNWAn7I/AAAAAAAAGqA/pgTwVY3qHg8/IMG_4437_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4437" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-M8qklBnBvzM/UqCoqw7rIFI/AAAAAAAAGqI/oQBuJXISqfE/s1600-h/IMG_4452%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4452" border="0" height="600" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-M-8c39ek_3A/UqCor_UU10I/AAAAAAAAGqQ/KpuQOBI32fM/IMG_4452_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4452" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-yy_ZFTrZmgw/UqCossHOl9I/AAAAAAAAGqY/FEyntSCxWLQ/s1600-h/IMG_4453%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4453" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-WEkDSt71v7U/UqCotdv5u_I/AAAAAAAAGqg/SYkk_PQdfM0/IMG_4453_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4453" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-iZehtY22qG8/UqCouFX_cdI/AAAAAAAAGqo/4shXvn3m3Fw/s1600-h/IMG_4456%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4456" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-uEGRGxY3298/UqCovNi8MXI/AAAAAAAAGqw/C61B5k1zOiY/IMG_4456_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4456" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-eY0dQtzxmnw/UqCov-tDU6I/AAAAAAAAGq4/rpnnTxiSKBo/s1600-h/IMG_4458%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4458" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-fFqlMtoNgig/UqCow2CNGVI/AAAAAAAAGrA/iFHkW4O3qZ4/IMG_4458_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4458" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-nbzMA0QeiEY/UqCoxoVl8pI/AAAAAAAAGrI/rvxPPvxSqmw/s1600-h/IMG_4460%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4460" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-kRYBQNGqmCU/UqCoyW92v8I/AAAAAAAAGrQ/IRze0Cg7wVk/IMG_4460_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4460" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-40472123059989886462013-12-04T11:05:00.000-05:002013-12-05T11:16:41.713-05:00Glimmer of Hope. Part 16<div align="justify">
<em>Tuesday, June 11</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
One of our favorite nurses, Shannon, said that Emma took 25 from the bottle at all of her feedings since we left her the night before! Great news! And she weighs 6 pounds 11 ounces, so officially back over her birth weight! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I try nursing her for the 2 pm feeding, but she’s not super interested. Takes 21 ml from the bottle after. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I spend some time at Barnes & Noble with a coffee & a book.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I try nursing again at 6, she goes to town on the right side but won’t even latch on the left. Which is ok, as long as she is showing interest I feel successful at this point. Mike shows up just as I’m changing her diaper to offer a bottle, so he gets to take over. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She takes 40 ml!! Miracle, people. This is the most she has ever taken & it makes us feel so excited! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mikes dad rocks E to sleep & we tuck her in for the night before going to dinner.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Wednesday, June 12</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
This day must have been hard. I didn’t write much in my journal except that it was a rough day.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I missed my husband. And I couldn’t control my emotions about missing so much of life at home with a newborn. By this point, a few friends had had babies since Emma was born & seeing all of their posts on facebook & instagram had me so upset & discouraged. And if I’m being completely honest, jealous. I hated missing out. I hated going to the hospital everyday. I hated that I just couldn’t have “normal.” </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She’s taking about 30 ml at each of her feedings & the nurses seem to think she will definitely be in the NICU until her due date, 10 days away…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Not much of an explanation except she needs to eat. Other babies who are younger & tinier are taking more than Emma & going home faster. The comparison game is disgusting, yet I played it day after day…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Thursday, June 13</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Emma takes 36 from the bottle right when I get there. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Brittany comes up to spend the day. She gets to cuddle E before we go to lunch. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We stop at Target so that I can send some supplies for church home with her. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My mom & Lexi come up. They bring the bracelet that my GLOW girls made for us. The one that they each prayed over as they put a bead on it. I tape Emma’s to her crib & tuck mine in my bag since it’s a little big. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Sean, Rene, Brendon, & Tree come up to take us to dinner. Since my mom, Lexi, & Brittany are there they tag along too!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Friday, June 14</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Lynn says Emma was making a weird noise while she was feeding her this morning. So she took the feeding tube out & tipped E’s head way back. The girl took 70 ml. 70! Yes, 70!! What a good morning! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I put Emma in a cute outfit & we snap some pictures without the feeding tube!!! Of course, I instantly realize I need to cool it with the eating out. Oh wait…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Because of the sound, a specialist is coming in to scope her throat to make sure there isn’t anything going on that’s causing the odd noise. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I try nursing her & it’s so nice to do it without the tube. Our rhythm is so much better. Mike gets her to take 51 ml from her bottle, so Lynn tries getting her to finish it but she doesn’t have any interest. Instead of putting the tube back in, Lynn encourages us and says E must have gotten at least 20 from nursing. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We head out for lunch.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike gives E her next bottle & she takes 72 ml!! With her new progress, I am feeling scared to nurse her & drain her energy. Since the dr’s go by the amount she takes from her bottle & she seemed to be interested in it, I didn’t want to ruin that. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Daddy gets her to sleep & tucked in for the night.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We leave the hospital, for the first time, feeling hopeful. Feeling like maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to take Emma home soon…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-j-LcLmq8iqs/Up9RTJxoYrI/AAAAAAAAGmQ/B9rHM9JXtIo/s1600-h/IMG_4388%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4388" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-SZIndLUDLbg/Up9RUQ13_DI/AAAAAAAAGmY/NNaxzIa8dEs/IMG_4388_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4388" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-chhGcPVkBds/Up9RVkrJfrI/AAAAAAAAGmg/O7QlS4wi__Y/s1600-h/IMG_4385%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4385" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-IqaN-douKUo/Up9RWxzmaVI/AAAAAAAAGmo/jZNvhGinc3M/IMG_4385_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4385" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-iMhGP0HXIf8/Up9RYWm8EhI/AAAAAAAAGmw/r9gN6DMDfAQ/s1600-h/IMG_4393%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4393" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-PHd1HI246Ps/Up9RaFX7yBI/AAAAAAAAGm4/kplSsQTiljk/IMG_4393_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4393" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-QDQJvaAk2LI/Up9RbfMwLGI/AAAAAAAAGnA/mp2tYQs7afk/s1600-h/IMG_4397%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4397" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-MC40fkqsQls/Up9RccCsI-I/AAAAAAAAGnI/ItmjnmGU4x0/IMG_4397_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4397" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Hpr_juo9_wU/Up9RddBLNvI/AAAAAAAAGnQ/BI18uVL-tkg/s1600-h/IMG_4408%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4408" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-wMOrUFfO2HY/Up9ReQhhDaI/AAAAAAAAGnY/NXrsXBEYsMc/IMG_4408_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4408" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-eK8PhjJuDV4/Up9RfrjCrPI/AAAAAAAAGng/MMNZZTxqsfA/s1600-h/IMG_4412%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4412" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-IRUE05i0Jds/Up9RgwandyI/AAAAAAAAGno/v9vUCmp5PjM/IMG_4412_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4412" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-enhnmTRqQWQ/Up9RiTjNpJI/AAAAAAAAGnw/W0PUS9wIQc0/s1600-h/IMG_4421%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4421" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-haIR-x1nOOQ/Up9RjaY-UMI/AAAAAAAAGn4/oit9B4XMqDY/IMG_4421_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4421" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-56QXb-7fc44/Up9RkI6JsPI/AAAAAAAAGoA/qaM0Kfi-0FQ/s1600-h/IMG_4426%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4426" border="0" height="804" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-I8xnn-pZIlk/Up9RlHQSm1I/AAAAAAAAGoI/_-MUPGVhGIw/IMG_4426_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4426" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-65866571432862780062013-12-03T09:00:00.000-05:002013-12-03T09:00:05.288-05:00Making Goals.<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-uPR8MUwirtM/Upzp4QvHMPI/AAAAAAAAGlY/0ZbY6aNw7eQ/s1600-h/DSC_0071%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0071" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/--4dCYoTydo0/Upzp4wuSyKI/AAAAAAAAGlg/mXtcglKx7WA/DSC_0071_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0071" width="700" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br />
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-JUamuxxF0q4/Upzp56v73zI/AAAAAAAAGlo/VtZO3uBjYvA/s1600-h/DSC_0076%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0076" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-LUuV4TlB0_0/Upzp6tlpYkI/AAAAAAAAGlw/74pUURQgRZ8/DSC_0076_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0076" width="700" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-z-PZy1DkfXQ/Upzp7LeFEMI/AAAAAAAAGl4/m97dwS6H7mM/s1600-h/DSC_0068%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="DSC_0068" border="0" height="467" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-HNDeAULzAFo/Upzp795mJyI/AAAAAAAAGmA/5ljT08c8guk/DSC_0068_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="DSC_0068" width="700" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Taking a quick break from Emma’s (<strike>mile</strike> 10 mile long) birth story to set some goals for myself. I see these posts floating around & get some serious enjoyment out of reading them. I’m a list girl, always have been…always will be. I love lists. I love crossing things off my list even more. Yes, I’m the person who writes something that I’ve already done just so I can cross it out. Boom… I like lists ok?</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
So in an attempt to be more deliberate with my days & less of a last minute lucy, I’m making myself a list, or goals, to accomplish this month.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">December Goals:</span></i></b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Finish reading A Beautiful Offering</b> (started this 6 months ago, unheard of for a girl who finishes books in 2 days. time to read)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Make stockings for all of us</b> (should be an interesting project)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Go on a date with my man</b> </div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Sort Emma’s clothes & organize her closet </b>(donate, sell, gift all the things she never wore or doesn’t fit in anymore)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Keep up with putting my clothes away after laundry day</b> (serious bad habit of letting them sit in the basket or on the bed for days)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Start Jillian Michaels 30 day shred</b> (bout time this mama actually lost some weight..ick)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Use less creamer in my coffee</b> (scary concept…amiright?)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Finish my Christmas shopping earlier than December 24th & without spending a butt-ton of money</b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Take Emma’s Christmas card picture. Order some cards. Send them out</b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Drink hot chocolate & cuddle on the couch & watch Christmas movies with my people</b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Start Emma on some real food</b> (mama’s-recommendations please? this scares me…)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Get a massage</b> (happening today, so consider this one crossed off!)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Stick to my meal plans each week</b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Plan & start the BC children’s ministry “raise so much money for computers for kids in Ghana” event!!!</b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Get dressed, as in out of sweatpants, more than 2 days a week </b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Make 100 shoe patterns at the GLOW Sole Hope shoe cutting party</b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Tell Mike how thankful I am for him, everyday (</b>And smooch his face when he gets home everyday)</div>
<div align="justify">
<b>Make E do tummy time for a few minutes everyday </b>(so bad at this, poor girl grew a hatred for this while she was in her harness)<br />
<b>Have January lesson plans done by December 18th </b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b>FINISH writing Emma’s birth story </b>(no ifs ands or buts about this one. I need to close this chapter of writing it)</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
So, there ya have it. My list. Oh how I love lists, they are most definitely my jam! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
What are your December goals friends? </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-5574346513684369532013-12-02T13:47:00.000-05:002013-12-05T12:12:23.438-05:00Confusion & Visitors. Part 15<div align="justify">
<i>Saturday, June 7</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When we get to the hospital, a different speech pathologist is feeding Emma. She looks at us and says “I’m using a different nipple than the last lady because of Emma’s diagnosis of turner’s syndrome.” And if looks could kill, she wouldn’t have made it. I ask her what she means “diagnosis”? She looks puzzled & tells me she must have misinformation.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It’s one thing to have a ton of different people always holding and poking and touching your baby. It’s a completely different thing when those people have no idea what is going on with my child. And they offer medical advice without reviewing my daughters chart. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The speech woman apologizes & goes to read Emma’s chart before talking with us. She never comes back. I know the nurse is frustrated that she said that. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It stemmed from the genetics testing that the doctors wanted to do. Apparently they were testing for that, but if this speech doctor would have read the chart, she would have seen the test came back clear. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My dad and sister come up to visit. Auntie Kristin get’s to hold E for awhile & my dad is a little hesitant to hold her. The wires have him scared, which I can’t blame him about. It is very intimidating to maneuver all the wires.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
After they leave, I head out to pump. The fellow comes in to talk with Mike while I’m gone. Mike had big plans to get real answers about why Emma is still in the nicu if there’s really nothing wrong with her. He said he had that talk with the fellow but can’t recall much of it when I get back from pumping. One of the nurses fills me in a bit of what he said, but Mike said his brain is just mush after talking to the dr. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We eat lunch in the hospital & chat with another family that has twins in the NICU. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
*side note…this family was adopting the twin girls and they were born 3 days after Emma. They were stationed in the same room as E was for most of their stay. Cutest little girls. And the parents were so encouraging to us while we were there. Especially the mom. It was nice to have a Christian woman who was experiencing similar things and could offer advice or sometimes just an ear to listen. We still keep in contact with this precious family!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I nurse E but she doesn’t seem too interested! I go pump & Mike gets her to take 38 ml from the bottle after, so she must not have gotten much from me. Which just adds to my frustration since I accidentally knocked over the bottle with my freshly pumped breast milk…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Katie & Manny are there. They come visit with us and Emma for awhile. My parents are also there. The rules of the nicu state that nobody under (I think) 14 are allowed back unless they are siblings of the patient. SO my sisters have only been able to sit in the waiting room and face time us. But today, thanks to a certain nurse (won’t name names, don’t want her in trouble <img alt="Winking smile" class="wlEmoticon wlEmoticon-winkingsmile" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-X4j4o3RmHi8/UpzVnFfPnFI/AAAAAAAAGjY/HFTCn02NNV4/wlEmoticon-winkingsmile2.png?imgmax=800" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none;" />) Lexi and our friend Olivia were able to come back. And not only that, they got to hold her! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Nurse E again, before Gianna gets to sneak back and meet Emma too! She has a biggest grin & just rubs E’s head while Mike feeds her! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We head to dinner with my family before they go home.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>Sunday, June 8</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We get to the hospital in time for Emma’s first feeding, I try nursing but she has no interest. I go pump while Mike tries feeding her. She barely takes 5 ml…Seems extremely tired and out of it today.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We give E a bath in an actual baby tub instead of the pink bucket. Like always, she loves it! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She’s very sleepy today & we think that all of her visitors wore her out yesterday. I mean, all she did was sleep but being held and passed between people probably didn’t make that sleep very restful for her. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I don’t try nursing at her next feeding, just offer her the bottle. She doesn’t take very much from it. Mike takes over and she chugs 20ml. I’m starting to feel like she just doesn’t want anything from me…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike needs new work pants so we go to the mall for a bit of fresh air and mindless wandering. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When we get back, I try nursing. She sucks but doesn’t seem or feel like she is getting very much. I’m off to the lonely room to use the awful plastic device & she takes 35 ml from the bottle for Mike. The frustration is getting worse. I feel like she just doesn’t want anything to do with me or nursing. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong & I feel like I should just give up nursing at this point… </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We tuck her in for the night and drive home, to Olean. Mike doesn’t talk most of the way home. He is frustrated, that’s obvious but he won’t tell me why & it’s hard not to feel like that frustration was geared towards me. Don’t ask me why I would think that. Just that I did. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Emotions run crazy when you’re thrown into this type of environment and it’s hard to deal with them… Communication is key, but not always easy.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>Monday, June 9</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It feels nice to wake up in my own bed, after sleeping in. Weird that I can see Emma’s crib from where I sleep, but she isn’t there… Feels like a complete piece of my heart is just void.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I get some laundry and cleaning and errands done. My house is showing signs that I’ve been gone for awhile & Mike is a man, or sleep walker, just rushing out the door everyday…so a good clean was needed.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Tree calls and asks me to lunch. Oh friends, such an encourager she is. Every fear, every doubt, every anxious thought-she shuts them down. She speaks scripture and life to me & makes me feel like I can handle this road. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Head back to Buffalo once Mike is done work. No news on Emma while we were gone. She’s gained some weight & is taking more of her bottle!! </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Cuddle and rock her until our arms ache…until it’s time to say goodbye again.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-8EwoIhNqEeI/UpzVnre56AI/AAAAAAAAGjg/cWlaDOCToV8/s1600-h/IMG_4364%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4364" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-jhMysP2GLtQ/UpzVoXP3tEI/AAAAAAAAGjo/G4NjsdjEyek/IMG_4364_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4364" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-0coVtF91r5E/UpzVpLFFrhI/AAAAAAAAGjs/wfFxHwV9P4I/s1600-h/IMG_4367%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4367" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-9p5wl6k6CcU/UpzVp0CaEII/AAAAAAAAGj4/DwCjGDDMH-I/IMG_4367_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4367" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-PwManyZkcbg/UqCzLhzOh2I/AAAAAAAAGsE/st9_HJL2z6Y/s1600-h/IMG_4109%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4109" border="0" height="400" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-b3a-5hvLHBk/UqCzMeDuyMI/AAAAAAAAGsM/diTF3cJluHs/IMG_4109_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4109" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-ocQM8jkRqyA/UqCzNc2X6ZI/AAAAAAAAGsU/NgdldDCDj5o/s1600-h/IMG_4110%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4110" border="0" height="400" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-91nP0-Fbz1M/UqCzN0c564I/AAAAAAAAGsc/tOvIbXLI56Q/IMG_4110_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4110" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-zYTBzBrY4Sk/UpzVuVlE_SI/AAAAAAAAGkg/jF8wSccDxko/s1600-h/IMG_4373%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4373" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-t8R4afHkXhI/UpzVvLJWS0I/AAAAAAAAGko/wGQvzuFVnNE/IMG_4373_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4373" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-VcWNE4UatZo/UpzVv0qSumI/AAAAAAAAGkw/d29ZhbEI9Po/s1600-h/IMG_4374%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4374" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-GurDtXOzBoo/UpzVw7dipFI/AAAAAAAAGk4/FGLZNhKO_DM/IMG_4374_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4374" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-iDM-LBrBadQ/UpzVxv01FeI/AAAAAAAAGlA/klni8EFZzPY/s1600-h/IMG_4381%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4381" border="0" height="600" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-MLt5SFEf4mY/UpzVyOegCeI/AAAAAAAAGlI/yYrsdPiYDFs/IMG_4381_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4381" width="600" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>to be continued...</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-80545881929438738672013-11-07T09:22:00.000-05:002013-12-05T11:17:14.423-05:00More of the same. Part 14<div align="justify">
<em>Wednesday, June 5</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Up early to drive back to Buffalo. It’s hard doing this. Being back & forth even just a few days, I can’t imagine what Mike feels every night as he drives away from the hospital… A feeling of frustration. I don’ t want to ever be apart from E, yet it does my body so much good when I am not sitting in a stiff chair at a hospital. Don’t get me wrong, I would sit by her side 24 hours a day if I could have, but really my heart & head couldn’t maintain that. In order to be an advocate for my girl, I had to actually get some fresh air & down time every once in a while. I surely would have gone crazy if I didn’t.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She’s awake when I get there & ready to eat. She takes about 20 ml from me, which is big news. Although she got a lot longer time to drink it because Claudia was busy with another patient. Usually we get about 20-30 minutes to get Emma to nurse or drink before the rest goes down her feeding tube. SO the hour that I got this time was so nice, but also very telling that E still had no interest in eating on her own or actually growing an appetite. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike’s Dad, aunt, & uncle were in Buffalo for a conference, so they stopped over to visit. Mike gets there & I take that time to step out and pump and get caught up on some work. They visit for a bit longer before heading home. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
After Mike gets some cuddle time in, him & I go to dinner before he drives home for the night. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Thursday, June 6</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
I feed Emma immediately after getting to the hospital. She drinks 20 ml. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
An occupational therapist stops in & offers absolutely no advice. He says Emma needs to work on her muscles, specifically her trunk muscles. Which is obvious & understandable, but he doesn’t offer any helpful ideas to work on those muscles. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Sean, Rene, Tree, & Seth come to visit. Tree & Rene get to hold Emma. It is so nice that we are able to hold her & cuddle with her now. Especially since our visitors are eager to hold!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
After Sean prays over E, we go to lunch. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I try nursing her when I get back, she still doesn’t seem very interested in it. Mike gets there with his parents & we chow down some pizza in the waiting room. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<em>Friday, June 7</em></div>
<div align="justify">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike & I sleep in a little bit. Exhaustion is a mild word to define what we were both experiencing. I would have given anything to have that exhaustion due to a newborn at home. With sleepless nights & lots of feedings. Oh I would have gladly welcomed that. But not this. Not this physical & emotional weakness we had. It was totally different then what we thought. Mike joked that I would be a more rested mama, ironically enough, once we were home and dealing with the sleepless nights & lots of feedings. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We had planned on stopping at the Care Connection, a breast pump rental store, to inquire about getting a different pump. They weren’t open yet, so we went to the hospital. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
E is awake so we get lots of holding & cuddles in. She is such a beautiful girl.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike & I leave for lunch after E is fed & sleeping. We stop at a few stores.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I nurse E at her next feeding & I actually feel like she got a decent amount. This is how I wish it was every time I nursed her. A feeling of success. But it really was only a handful of times that I felt like that after nursing her. The feeding tube down her nose caused so much discomfort for her, I’m sure. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Scott & Nicole had invited us to meet them for dinner to use up a gift card they had, so we tuck in Emma for the night & head to dinner. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Having family close & so willing to bless us during that time was something I could never thank God enough for. The long & tiring days were met with the chance to rest & relax & unwind because they opened their home to us. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-8aubYdInEK4/UnugwiZjWdI/AAAAAAAAGgM/ADL4Gj9b_TQ/s1600-h/IMG_4333%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4333" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-ans5eSbmuyI/UnugxYuV6TI/AAAAAAAAGgU/fRons0ySMEc/IMG_4333_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4333" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-7OWgczSCvBA/UnugyMfBgJI/AAAAAAAAGgc/WMpc2pLobLQ/s1600-h/IMG_4340%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4340" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-NB3eIJzFfKM/UnugzMmqOQI/AAAAAAAAGgk/jHghDkPkDCE/IMG_4340_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4340" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-7X0cpd1EWuw/Unugz9arAAI/AAAAAAAAGgs/WnYT-DnMWXc/s1600-h/IMG_4341%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4341" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-hdi4lSUzPEk/Unug0sJw6SI/AAAAAAAAGg0/-gh1F7aY5_E/IMG_4341_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4341" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Y3Ar--74G94/Unug1flZleI/AAAAAAAAGg8/oGxdkNUYnY8/s1600-h/IMG_4344%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4344" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-v4uGV-Jl2uQ/Unug2FpBBSI/AAAAAAAAGhE/jENtH-ubyc4/IMG_4344_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4344" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-jIFEPSshIAc/Unug3OP9PXI/AAAAAAAAGhM/nanQIKKZgrA/s1600-h/IMG_4349%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4349" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-4DLvYoZcggI/Unug36mBdRI/AAAAAAAAGhU/3yTFmToOOXo/IMG_4349_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4349" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-MXAna3jsdcw/Unug4mBdRHI/AAAAAAAAGhc/LEYk-IKmVxQ/s1600-h/IMG_4347%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4347" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-HCfUNjn4Bkk/Unug5VHZWNI/AAAAAAAAGhk/m1u6caRsXjQ/IMG_4347_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4347" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-dh94MpfVIyA/Unug6D4A9GI/AAAAAAAAGhs/HuX662JMCRA/s1600-h/IMG_4361%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4361" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-xd2iyv2Au9M/Unug7B_3nvI/AAAAAAAAGh0/D6rwO3I8YXg/IMG_4361_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4361" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-1dsef5-1vHk/Unug7zhP6II/AAAAAAAAGh8/ydCWAzwQysQ/s1600-h/IMG_4362%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4362" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-6QwMwZ2VPGQ/Unug8s-zlWI/AAAAAAAAGiE/AEsSnI0Q0wI/IMG_4362_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4362" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-_4oz9vFlcfY/Unug9bT02cI/AAAAAAAAGiM/OP7L7AQOZdc/s1600-h/IMG_4364%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4364" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-t1TBW_hRwvY/Unug-fCe0-I/AAAAAAAAGiU/qhgqU3niLaE/IMG_4364_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4364" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em><br />
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-13078554554899108512013-11-06T10:25:00.001-05:002013-11-07T09:22:54.557-05:00Church. Part 13<div align="justify">
<i>Sunday, June 2</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I won’t deny that I was feeling overwhelmed before we even arrived at church. I knew I needed to meet God that morning. I knew that I needed to lay everything on the alter. Although I knew I needed to ask forgiveness for the anger that was brewing in my heart but, all of that didn’t have me feeling anxious. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It was seeing people. Seeing everyone who had been sending us encouragement and prayers. It was having them look into my eyes and know how weary I was. It was answering their questions. It was my own struggle, really.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Being in worship & hearing God’s word preached, did so much for my heart. I was aching for this season of life to be over, this season of frustration & waiting. But, being there, made me feel confident that He had us in that exact place for a reason that we just didn’t understand yet. And may never understand. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We didn’t stick around too long after service. I needed to pump & we were eager to get back to our girl. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Tony drove us back up & the nurses told us that she didn’t eat much while we were gone. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>Monday, June 3</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Lynn is back! There isn’t much progress to report, E still doesn’t seem interested in eating. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We give her a bath & she loves it again. It seems to be her happy place & she is just the cutest with all of her smiles.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I try nursing again, but she doesn’t seem at all interested. She keeps pulling away and not latching. It’s frustrating. It seems like she doesn’t want anything to do with. We prayed at church that her appetite would increase & my supply would increase. It felt like that wasn’t happening. Mike took her so that I could go pump & she starts sucking her pacifier hard. And starts rooting. More frustration.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Once she’s asleep, we go walk around the mall & get lunch.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike tries feeding her when we get back, but she barely takes 5 ml. I can tell Mike is pretty frustrated today. He is feeling discouraged at the lack of progress & it’s getting him down. I so badly wish I could do something, anything to make things better. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
His parents come up & visit. We head to dinner before they take Mike home for the night.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>Tuesday, June 4</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The speech pathologist is coming in at 9:30 to meet with me. Seems odd that she would have any advice to offer, but the dr’s think she might have some help with the way Emma is sucking. She didn’t offer much advice after feeding Emma. She told us to use a specific nipple because it seems to be the one E drinks the best from. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I hold her while the rest of her feed goes down her tube. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Ultrasound comes in to check her head. I don’t remember what they were looking for & I didn’t write it down. I remember Emma didn’t like it. I held her pacifier in during it & she was very fidgety. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When I got her back to sleep, I left. I pumped one more time before heading home for the night.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My kindergarteners were graduating that night & it was important that I was there. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I stopped at the church on my way home. I only meant it to be a quick stop, but I ended up staying for a few hours. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike told me that I needed to just relax when I got home, but instead I did laundry & cleaned my house. <br />
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The graduation was cute & it was so nice to see my kiddos & coworkers. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Afterwards, Brendon, Tree, Seth & the girls come over for ice cream. It’s nice to just relax and talk about anything other than what is really going on. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-XiGVgS_iIPQ/UnpeTdNRDRI/AAAAAAAAGeE/jCafsEO-8Sw/s1600-h/IMG_4309%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4309" border="0" height="600" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-_FKst6H8EAY/UnpeULc2TsI/AAAAAAAAGeI/WATxxq74Raw/IMG_4309_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4309" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-f53Z-zvmFQQ/UnpeVKGKFBI/AAAAAAAAGeU/nEdX3ab-gyc/s1600-h/IMG_4319%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4319" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-8gi9AMbPNvM/UnpeV6TEb4I/AAAAAAAAGec/Ea_-kMaUZlA/IMG_4319_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4319" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-hLwDxOcEbMQ/UnpeWsHql4I/AAAAAAAAGek/Fsih8a0YjKc/s1600-h/IMG_4320%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4320" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-vKKAlcDzchA/UnpeXWrnFBI/AAAAAAAAGes/i0HpAefRMYc/IMG_4320_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4320" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-HugBS0OraGE/UnpeYEv_kaI/AAAAAAAAGe0/_ycRyJmjBDI/s1600-h/IMG_4321%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4321" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-NbMyIjeB9mc/UnpeY8j80PI/AAAAAAAAGe8/ByeYiLpGceA/IMG_4321_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4321" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-_8UbH5JYtBE/UnpeZvzHJuI/AAAAAAAAGfE/I2IqE13vpuM/s1600-h/IMG_4311%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4311" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-h72IWiV5Uus/UnpeaJYaWLI/AAAAAAAAGfM/v69rVkQ-kBI/IMG_4311_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4311" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-AfK9Xyx7TLo/Unpea-CzVyI/AAAAAAAAGfU/xebsj7MPirI/s1600-h/IMG_4325%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4325" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-w7TwUmgCr7M/UnpebktUHKI/AAAAAAAAGfc/r8dqvtwbJjc/IMG_4325_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4325" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Yyf5e1zwEpk/UnpecalOqGI/AAAAAAAAGfk/IQY6J9ZGHw0/s1600-h/IMG_4330%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4330" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-udftgG9DZ0E/UnpedFcM4RI/AAAAAAAAGfs/yu5Bm4swJ6I/IMG_4330_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4330" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-qSm7RteCivE/UnpeeNkHdII/AAAAAAAAGf0/2998T8oUonU/s1600-h/IMG_4331%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4331" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/--Lw96jqqX5s/Unpee_RfXiI/AAAAAAAAGf8/lW7hEjjEn3U/IMG_4331_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4331" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em><br />
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-33156754658981422722013-10-30T13:22:00.000-04:002013-11-07T09:23:16.588-05:00Baths & Nursing. Part 12<div align="justify">
<i>Thursday, May 30</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
No news when I get to the hospital. She is still not interested in drinking from the bottle, so most of her feeds are going down her feeding tube. Sean & Rene come up to visit. They pray over my girl & we head out to lunch. Such a nice break from the long days sitting at Emma’s side. Having my friends come up and love on me and E. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Sean’s parents bring Mike up. And they are the hit of the NICU. I think Lenny had the nurses rolling with laughter as soon as he walked in the room. Mike tries feeding E but she only takes 8ml. It feels like she is going backwards….</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Len & Ginny take us to Olive Garden for dinner & then we head to Scott & Nicole’s for the night. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>Friday, May 31</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Let me start this day by saying, up until today we have had a numerous amount of nurses. One being a nurse named Claudia, who has been with Emma since day 1. We love her & the way she cares for Emma. But beyond that, we had just random nurses when Claudia wasn’t working. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Until this day. We get assigned Lynn. She became dubbed our angel nurse. She loved on Emma in a way that made me feel so confident leaving her. You can just see the joy she has from her job. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
They have taken the IV out!! One less cord running in my girl.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike mentions the idea of breastfeeding E now that most of her lines are out. Lynn says sure, why not! The lactation consultant comes in to help when it’s time for Emma to eat. This is my first time nursing & I’m a little clueless. She latches on with the help of a nipple shield & plays around for about 10 minutes. They don’t want me to waste too much of Emma’s energy nursing because she still needs to drink from the bottle. Mike takes her to finish her feed & I go to pump.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Only this time, instead of using the torture machine, I try out the hospital pump. OH MY WORD. It’s the Cadillac of breast pumps and it’s the first time I’ve pumped where I haven’t felt any shrieking pain. The consultant gives me larger flanges & thinks that might be the cause of some of my pain. (I discover it is later that night when I’m forced to use my pump again)</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike & I head out for lunch. Feeling less anxiety. I got to nurse my daughter for the first time. It was as comfortable as it could be while she was hooked up to machines and there were about 5 people watching me. I get to nurse her again when we get back to the NICU.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Lynn asks if we want to giver her a bath!! Obviously, I shout yes! She hasn’t ever had one. They’ve only been wiping down her head every now and then! My girl needed a bath! She loved it, by the way. Seemed like she was in total heaven. Lynn put some music on for her & called it Emma’s time at the spa. It was the cutest. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
After she’s all bundled up & dry, M & I spend time just watching Emma. She is awake for longer periods of time now, so it’s fun to watch her facial expressions!</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
For dinner, we met Nicole at a restaurant downtown. But it was a quick dinner because I wanted to race back to the hospital so that I could try nursing again. It’s hard this time. I try nursing her on my left side but the feeding tube is in her right nostril so it’s squished up against me & making it hard for her to breathe. She spends most of the time turning her head away and breathing heavy. Mike takes her to hold while her formula is put down her tube & then he rocks her to sleep. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<i>Saturday, June 1</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Lynn is back today & says Emma didn’t want much of her bottle. I try nursing her around noon, but she doesn’t seem very interested.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
She has developed a pretty severe rash on her bottom & the nasty desitin is just making it worse. I brought in some of the butt paste I had bought for her & we start using that, but she just looks so raw. Lynn has the idea to let her bottom air out. So she puts Emma on her belly with her butt propped in the air and an oxygen mask aimed towards it to flow some air to it. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We head out for lunch & discover Emma is still sleeping when we get back. Plus her heiney looks a million times better from the air dry setup.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My parents come up & they are pretty excited that they get to hold her! I try nursing again and she does great on the left side because Lynn had rotated her feeding tube to the other nostril. But she doesn’t seem to have a very strong suck while she’s on the right side.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike & I decide to head home for the night so that we can go to church the next morning. It’s not any easier to walk out of the hospital, knowing we’ll be so far away. Especially now that I’m able to nurse her. Or try nursing her every time. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My parents take us to dinner before we drive home. I spend some time doing a ton of laundry once we’re home & then pump before bed.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
These three days were pretty mellow. No shocking discoveries about Emma’s health. No heart-wrenching diagnoses. And really, that’s how the rest of her journey was. Medically, she started to heal up quickly, but she really struggled with eating. That was what made this mama go crazy. Knowing that she was ok, but was in the hospital because she wouldn’t learn how to nurse or drink a bottle. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
It was good that we were going to church the next morning, because I would need that encouragement to help get me through the long days of frustration that we’re about to hit…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-VDR77-plYdQ/UnE_ASVtHSI/AAAAAAAAGZ0/fxlv82oWR4I/s1600-h/IMG_4271%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4271" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-KWntMuLKero/UnE_BWfYLzI/AAAAAAAAGZ8/W4hsJjJwOBk/IMG_4271_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4271" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-twD-jej5doo/UnE_CF_Pv5I/AAAAAAAAGaE/JXgG09LE43w/s1600-h/IMG_4275%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4275" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-LuL6VAtCN2U/UnE_Czkm-yI/AAAAAAAAGaM/9cNXY-nyj9A/IMG_4275_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4275" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-SCW4dEDhKIU/UnE_DtT651I/AAAAAAAAGaU/GjUXWBmN6nE/s1600-h/IMG_4277%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4277" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-B8aSbgYqZ28/UnE_EtQvsmI/AAAAAAAAGac/r3h1-xm_3bI/IMG_4277_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4277" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-0-yknMJL4sg/UnE_FHw_aJI/AAAAAAAAGak/gD37PFI2aA0/s1600-h/IMG_4280%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4280" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-gnzGp708dxA/UnE_F5DCoXI/AAAAAAAAGas/lc83j1rc_fM/IMG_4280_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4280" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-6YkAQ1ZCUdE/UnE_GiUODsI/AAAAAAAAGa0/91zkbA6u3Jo/s1600-h/IMG_4285%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4285" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-tkjZHCHLI_k/UnE_HfFAHDI/AAAAAAAAGa8/781ZJX7TrCU/IMG_4285_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4285" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-NdWqIAUpEz4/UnE_HweO6OI/AAAAAAAAGbE/hDuLAEyNLVw/s1600-h/IMG_4289%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4289" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-E4I5uQIhsbY/UnE_ItTpXnI/AAAAAAAAGbM/irDI57xZCzU/IMG_4289_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4289" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-n7niMDeDud4/UnE_JiFcOuI/AAAAAAAAGbU/ctXmJ_cbOME/s1600-h/IMG_4286%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4286" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-rNHPeppGyb4/UnE_KT9sWaI/AAAAAAAAGbc/0UjYQZCjtf0/IMG_4286_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4286" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-zKP9g6A_jAA/UnE_LPG-YUI/AAAAAAAAGbk/86vTLrxXUT8/s1600-h/IMG_4288%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4288" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-D49i7l5QZzo/UnE_MBpRLvI/AAAAAAAAGbs/CiSR7QbR2Wc/IMG_4288_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4288" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-cA2WwPICv5o/UnE_NBkDbRI/AAAAAAAAGb0/pCMBwO4nPeY/s1600-h/IMG_4300%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4300" border="0" height="450" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-Xeak81gMU8U/UnE_NtNXleI/AAAAAAAAGb8/HVnJO_NIVPU/IMG_4300_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4300" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-HqCfPjOk8rw/UnE_OmOZ_uI/AAAAAAAAGcE/wuVH7UTAOQM/s1600-h/IMG_4076%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4076" border="0" height="400" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-LWJM60YDaaE/UnE_PXq6tzI/AAAAAAAAGcM/81xOr68HqTk/IMG_4076_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4076" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-uKb8A2yKqYo/UnE_QEI8D8I/AAAAAAAAGcU/YXGm4NQOmrY/s1600-h/IMG_4085%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4085" border="0" height="400" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-qoeMYKPWzZM/UnE_RMoUvJI/AAAAAAAAGcc/SOzNIsad1DQ/IMG_4085_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4085" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-Jo6mRNNJMwo/UnE_SBiBpFI/AAAAAAAAGck/El1v6AugoPM/s1600-h/IMG_4298%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img align="left" alt="IMG_4298" border="0" height="507" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-WN9-RTm83xk/UnE_S-ke2RI/AAAAAAAAGcs/h0mRtThKoxU/IMG_4298_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; float: left; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4298" width="380" /></a><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-JzimdbmFBSs/UnE_TgI18JI/AAAAAAAAGc0/ll6RcPtAGOw/s1600-h/IMG_4299%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img align="right" alt="IMG_4299" border="0" height="507" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-_Muss-KAkbQ/UnE_URSvA1I/AAAAAAAAGc8/vBHzbeMbGa8/IMG_4299_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border: 0px; display: inline; float: right; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4299" width="380" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-ULhF4OiO-qw/UnE_VIN0koI/AAAAAAAAGdE/6qNERlt08rM/s1600-h/IMG_4306%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4306" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-2W8gMPnwqH0/UnE_V4XSKeI/AAAAAAAAGdM/FN6drwngv2k/IMG_4306_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4306" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-HWKnyewBTU4/UnE_YUnU8HI/AAAAAAAAGdU/THm4uTw8mjU/s1600-h/IMG_4301%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4301" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-q-PR5FFObuc/UnE_ZC-ALHI/AAAAAAAAGdc/tmxt8CQiil8/IMG_4301_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4301" width="600" /></a> <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-47318386755518324552013-10-29T11:09:00.001-04:002013-11-07T09:23:37.623-05:00Questions. Part 11<div align="justify">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(I've really struggled with sharing this part of the story. I am scared people will look at Emma differently. That they will look at her & wonder if maybe there is something wrong with her. That people will think she isn't beautifully & wonderfully made. But, I know that this is part of her testimony, of my testimony. So I'll share it, with the hope that God's grace will reign over you as you read it. That His grace will meet Emma every time someone meets her. That she will feel His love every time there is a questioning look her way. That at the end of the day, she will KNOW that she is made perfect in His image)</span></i><br />
<br />
<i>Wednesday, May 29</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When we get to the hospital, Emma is off of the heat lamps because she is doing so well regulating her own temperature. She still has the IV and feeding tube in. We spend some time talking to the family care coordinator about Mike taking part in the family medical leave at his work. She gives us the paperwork that needs to be filled out.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I’m still pumping as often as I can, but not getting much of anything. Trying to keep those hormones happy, but it’s not easy.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Then the floor seems to give way & the walls start to close in…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
As the doctor walks in and tells us that they want to do chromosome testing. Because of how swollen Emma was when she was born, they know the swelling happened in utero, so it is a concern to them. They tell us that she has too much extra skin around her neck and her nipples are further apart then they think is normal. All of these signs point to a chromosome or DNA disorder. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The specialist doctor comes in and tries to reassure us. Telling us that because we are at a specialized hospital, this is all normal testing. They have to go over everything with a fine tooth comb to rule out all disorders.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My heart stops. I’m sure it literally stopped. I couldn’t breath. I remember feeling Mike put his hand on my knee & it felt like his gentle touch was squeezing the life right out of me. I’m so uneducated on what they’re talking about, that the first thing I think of is downs syndrome. How is any of this part of God’s plan? How can my sweet girl have something so serious? </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I’m feeling so overwhelmed & frustrated. Once the dr’s leave, the nurse tells us not to freak out that this is all routine for NICU babies. I don’t believe her. I have never seen the DNA dr in Emma’s room. Which tells me that none of the other babies need this testing. I know I’m wrong, now. But then, it felt like my E was the only one they were questioning. Mike sends a picture to his brother & asks him to pass it along to his sister in law who is a NICU nurse in Chicago. She tells us that is very common for these tests to be run on preemie babies. But that Emma looks fine. Biggest indicators for downs are face shape & features, but from the pictures she’s looking at, Emma doesn’t have any signs of it. It provides some reassurance, but my head is just running a mile a minute to every different possible outcome of this testing. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Looking back, I think we would have declined this. We said yes quickly, without thinking it through. Emotions do so much of the talking when your baby is in the hospital. By the time your head catches up, decisions are already made. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We feed Emma a bottle, but she only takes half of it so the rest gets sent down her feeding tube. Once she is asleep, we leave. I need to get out of the hospital. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I remember sobbing. Almost uncontrollably once we were in the car. Mike had his hand on my leg & I was looking out the window. I didn’t want him to see what my eyes were sure to reveal. I was angry. So incredibly angry. I was feeling defeated. Ashamed. Worried. I tried avoiding his questions for as long as I could, until that “oh the blood” song comes on. Then I just can’t hold it in any more… He asks what’s going through my head & I tell him. I tell him that I’m angry. But not at the doctors. I’m angry at God. I don’t understand why any of this is happening. Just when I think I have my grips around this, He blindsides me. I’m not proud of this. I am scared that I just gave my anger those words. That I just said it out loud. I remember Mike just looked at me. Almost as if he didn’t quite know how to react. So he did what he knows best. He reassured me that God was in control. He prayed that this test would come back negative & we could put this behind us. We could keep moving forward. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Friends, I told you yesterday that God knew I needed Mike to be with me this day. I don’t want to think of how I would have handled this if he wasn’t there that day. If I was alone….</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We walk around the mall. Not really talking. Trying not to think. We pick up some button front onesies now that Emma can wear clothes. We eat lunch before going back to the hospital. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We walk in and see that she has been upgraded to a crib! The heat warmer bed is gone because she is doing so well regulating her own temperature. Her IV is back in her forehead. The nurse says her arm was looking puffy so they switched it again. They are starting to lessen her fluids, which hopefully means the IV won’t be needed much longer. M gets to feed her, but she still isn’t doing great with the bottle. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Mike’s parents come up that night to pick him up. I don’t think we went to dinner. I was ready to just go home. Or to my cousins house, since that was home now. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
My head hurt. My eyes hurt. My heart hurt. Everything just hurts. My body is aching because of the stress and the anxiety. I just want to sleep. And I just want my husband to stay with me. And I just want to take my daughter home. I just want all of this to be some sick, twisted dream. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
But it’s still not…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-SYndBbql_ZI/Um_OhF6xt5I/AAAAAAAAGYU/zCmXY1H0h6E/s1600-h/IMG_4265%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4265" border="0" height="450" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-PYTYpWe2QOU/Um_OiP2mCmI/AAAAAAAAGYc/LY5kzvgNy3o/IMG_4265_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4265" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-kjyiqgddamI/Um_OiwoyB_I/AAAAAAAAGYk/to5Ern9USq4/s1600-h/IMG_4266%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4266" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-yBJZLKUhE98/Um_Oj9SeQsI/AAAAAAAAGYs/Vf6bLYr081c/IMG_4266_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4266" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-CKfz9eIdcbk/Um_OkyaTewI/AAAAAAAAGY0/LtN11JHhnMI/s1600-h/IMG_4267%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4267" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-R8RCFyr3gpE/Um_Ol4r0neI/AAAAAAAAGY8/m8ZL7EAH4zQ/IMG_4267_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4267" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-xddApYfYyfI/Um_Om7EfotI/AAAAAAAAGZE/5CxjY4omAYk/s1600-h/IMG_4269%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4269" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-_NxE-lEa3BY/Um_On6yzDJI/AAAAAAAAGZM/7uyH-nxNsX8/IMG_4269_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4269" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<em>to be continued…</em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2303983187680347498.post-63273012922167568802013-10-28T18:44:00.002-04:002013-11-07T09:23:49.373-05:00One Week. Part 10<div align="justify">
<i>Tuesday, May 28</i></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Waking up alone was not something I was ready for. This was the first day, since the night I had her, that I have been alone for any amount of time. Besides pumping, I have been either with Mike or someone every second of the day since I arrived in Buffalo. In a normal situation, as a new mom, I probably would have welcomed the alone time after a week of sleepless nights, lots of feedings, navigating motherhood. But. This was not that circumstance, And I was sad. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The drive into the hospital was awful. It was raining so hard & traffic was moving so slow. Basically the weather was representing how I felt. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When I get to the hospital, I see that they have taken the IV out of her forehead. For a brief second, I feel joy. Until I notice that it’s in her hand now. The nurse didn’t like how the IV looked, E’s head was swelling a bit around the needle, so she moved it before an infection started. Although not as bad, it still looks uncomfortable for Emma. She’s also back under the jaundice lights because her levels dropped. Nurse said she drank 30 ml from the bottle, but it was under duress & if she doesn’t start drinking more, they will have to put the feeding tube back in. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Talk about a tough morning. And I was alone. I missed Mike something fierce. I wanted Emma home. She had been in this world for a week, yet she has spent every single second of that in the hospital. Our initial thought that her stay would be just a few days had turned into an entire week. And nobody was saying a discharge was coming soon. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
After E falls asleep, I head out to make phone calls. I need to call my midwife, Emma’s pediatrician, and the hospital. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
When I went back in the nurse was feeding Emma a bottle. She let me take over, but E wasn’t having any of it. The nurse put the feeding tube back in her nose & poured the rest of the bottle down the tube. She only took 20 ml and they are concerned. The guarantee that I am still able to hold her with the feeding tube in, but for now she needs to go back under the lights.</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I go pump. And feel completely discouraged. My milk reserve for E is completely gone & I feel like a complete failure. She is getting formula because I just can’t produce enough to keep her stocked. I text my friend Sara, probably a completely neurotic text message & she instantly calls me. Serious words of encouragement from that lady. She told me that nursing is all emotional. My stress level was more than likely affecting my production. Yes drinking water keeps me hydrated, but no amount of water was going to magically increase my supply. She told me to try keeping my hormones happy. And to pump for at least 15 minutes every time. Even if I’m not getting a lot. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
By this time Tree, Brittany, & Seth come up. Seth prays over Emma & it does so much good for me to hear. I pray over her nonstop, but when someone else does it. It really does show you just how much people cared for my girl during that time. I so appreciate his plea to the Lord. They take me out to coffee to relax & chat. Tree & Brittany can tell that I am feeling so discouraged & frustrated, so what else do they do but stop at nothing to get me smiling. They encourage me & cheer me on. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
Once they leave, I spent some time just sitting at E’s bedside until Mike gets there. A smile the size of Texas was plastered on my face. Until he tells me that he took the next day off and would be staying the night!!!! Yes, friends. My husband is so much more than I deserve. His whole world was in a hospital & he knew where he needed to be. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
We go to dinner with his parents before letting them spend some time with Emma. Mike gets to feed & hold Emma while I pump before we head to my cousins for the night. I spend some time doing children ministry work before sleeping. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
I remember feeling so grateful this day when M got there. It was almost like a rejuvenation to my soul. This Tuesday was hard. Being without him. And I know that the Lord was working all things for good that night. His plans are not my own. He knew that I would need Mike, more then I ever had, the following day. </div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
The day the genetics doctor would walk in and literally take the air completely out of my chest…</div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-NDlcJtwnPyg/Um7n0HUjOTI/AAAAAAAAGWs/7dWJund2dhA/s1600-h/IMG_4252%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4252" border="0" height="450" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-fQGWuYdKIgA/Um7n0w2eFxI/AAAAAAAAGW0/pn5u6ZaO_Os/IMG_4252_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4252" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-hsOCWmEOS7E/Um7n1pZ-ysI/AAAAAAAAGW8/zqVbq4NtzrQ/s1600-h/IMG_4248%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4248" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-oM_pIHMKL6k/Um7n2aQcvqI/AAAAAAAAGXE/TBx3ldT5LKE/IMG_4248_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4248" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Istj5GYxfY4/Um7n3HV5xpI/AAAAAAAAGXM/BdY2SWS4mWc/s1600-h/IMG_4255%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4255" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Ex1wIvzGJWM/Um7n36n4O3I/AAAAAAAAGXU/s3w26GP2YGQ/IMG_4255_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4255" width="600" /></a></div>
<div align="justify">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-XjKhOU7qdLE/Um7n4UBh1_I/AAAAAAAAGXc/19Gaw68fYHQ/s1600-h/IMG_4257%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4257" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-CmAZm9VGi7E/Um7n5KUMZvI/AAAAAAAAGXk/FqtXocyW6dQ/IMG_4257_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4257" width="600" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/--odKrhFLVdQ/Um7n53djebI/AAAAAAAAGXs/uqXQ9vyj6wg/s1600-h/IMG_4258%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4258" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Kp28lECTIYM/Um7n6qVj3JI/AAAAAAAAGX0/8JqOJ_4c7pM/IMG_4258_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4258" width="600" /></a><br />
<br />
<em><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-l9lQAGh9e1U/Um7n7PISTxI/AAAAAAAAGX8/tud_TtvUusw/s1600-h/IMG_4260%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img alt="IMG_4260" border="0" height="800" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-5DjS1CxXVCo/Um7n7_0Kr5I/AAAAAAAAGYE/V7jIZtNoV0Q/IMG_4260_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="IMG_4260" width="600" /></a></em><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>to be continued…</em><br />
<em><br /></em></div>
<center>
<img align="center" height="35" src="http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee502/DigDeepDesign/2012Buttons/lizsignature.png" style="border: 0;" width="55" /> </center>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13259409014027760649noreply@blogger.com0