Wednesday, June 5
Up early to drive back to Buffalo. It’s hard doing this. Being back & forth even just a few days, I can’t imagine what Mike feels every night as he drives away from the hospital… A feeling of frustration. I don’ t want to ever be apart from E, yet it does my body so much good when I am not sitting in a stiff chair at a hospital. Don’t get me wrong, I would sit by her side 24 hours a day if I could have, but really my heart & head couldn’t maintain that. In order to be an advocate for my girl, I had to actually get some fresh air & down time every once in a while. I surely would have gone crazy if I didn’t.
She’s awake when I get there & ready to eat. She takes about 20 ml from me, which is big news. Although she got a lot longer time to drink it because Claudia was busy with another patient. Usually we get about 20-30 minutes to get Emma to nurse or drink before the rest goes down her feeding tube. SO the hour that I got this time was so nice, but also very telling that E still had no interest in eating on her own or actually growing an appetite.
Mike’s Dad, aunt, & uncle were in Buffalo for a conference, so they stopped over to visit. Mike gets there & I take that time to step out and pump and get caught up on some work. They visit for a bit longer before heading home.
After Mike gets some cuddle time in, him & I go to dinner before he drives home for the night.
Thursday, June 6
I feed Emma immediately after getting to the hospital. She drinks 20 ml.
An occupational therapist stops in & offers absolutely no advice. He says Emma needs to work on her muscles, specifically her trunk muscles. Which is obvious & understandable, but he doesn’t offer any helpful ideas to work on those muscles.
Sean, Rene, Tree, & Seth come to visit. Tree & Rene get to hold Emma. It is so nice that we are able to hold her & cuddle with her now. Especially since our visitors are eager to hold!
After Sean prays over E, we go to lunch.
I try nursing her when I get back, she still doesn’t seem very interested in it. Mike gets there with his parents & we chow down some pizza in the waiting room.
Friday, June 7
Mike & I sleep in a little bit. Exhaustion is a mild word to define what we were both experiencing. I would have given anything to have that exhaustion due to a newborn at home. With sleepless nights & lots of feedings. Oh I would have gladly welcomed that. But not this. Not this physical & emotional weakness we had. It was totally different then what we thought. Mike joked that I would be a more rested mama, ironically enough, once we were home and dealing with the sleepless nights & lots of feedings.
We had planned on stopping at the Care Connection, a breast pump rental store, to inquire about getting a different pump. They weren’t open yet, so we went to the hospital.
E is awake so we get lots of holding & cuddles in. She is such a beautiful girl.
Mike & I leave for lunch after E is fed & sleeping. We stop at a few stores.
I nurse E at her next feeding & I actually feel like she got a decent amount. This is how I wish it was every time I nursed her. A feeling of success. But it really was only a handful of times that I felt like that after nursing her. The feeding tube down her nose caused so much discomfort for her, I’m sure.
Scott & Nicole had invited us to meet them for dinner to use up a gift card they had, so we tuck in Emma for the night & head to dinner.
Having family close & so willing to bless us during that time was something I could never thank God enough for. The long & tiring days were met with the chance to rest & relax & unwind because they opened their home to us.
to be continued…