My Birthday. Part 18

Tuesday, June 18

I’m greeted by Lynn and a sweet little baby without a feeding tube in. Lynn said it was time to let this girl sink or swim. The physician’s assistant stops in and says they want to give Emma time to drink & watch her weight gain.

I’m excited by this because we had been asking for this all along.

But then, I’m told that throughout the night, Emma didn’t take much. Which is fine, ok. But then that the night nurse didn’t even wake Emma up or attempt to feed her a bottle at her 6 am feeding. She just put it straight down the feeding tube.

Say what? Aren’t we in the NICU because Emma won’t eat… She’s learning how to understand her body and it’s signs of hunger. Yet, the nurse didn’t think it was necessary to work on that? I wasn’t happy. Neither was Mike when I told him. He decided that he would be staying all night with Emma, even if it meant sleeping in a chair beside her bed. He was a papa bear, to say the very least. We felt very frustrated that the night nurse didn’t do what was expected… Especially when the PA told us the nurse would have been better off skipping that feeding instead of giving it to E through the tube…

I get her to take 59 ml and then it’s bath time! Lynn puts some spa music & Emma enters her happy place. Ha…girl loves her baths.

I take some time to cuddle with my girl. It’s crazy how many emotions I felt that day. It was my birthday & not at all how I planned on spending it. I thought I’d still be carrying this babe around in my belly & feeling anxious & excited to meet her. Yet, I was sitting in a hospital.

I posted this on instagram that day…

A year ago I was not at all interested in celebrating my birthday…I was feeling sad & discouraged that I wasn’t a mama yet. I just ached to fill my arms with a child of my own…my “life-plan” was a baby by my 25th birthday, yet there I was without…And now here we are with this amazing miracle in my arms! Not only did The Lord hear that cry, He answered it in the most amazing way. This little girl undoubtedly makes each day better. She is 4 weeks old today & is such a fighter already. God has mighty things planned for this one & my heart just leaps knowing I get to fill my days tending to her every need. What a different a year makes, God is so faithful friends! He gives us the desires of our hearts. This tiny miracle bundled up & cozy on my chest is proof of just how marvelous the God we serve is. Thank you Lord for another birthday, another year to worship you, another year to be this sweet girls mama..

Really, that about sums it up…

Tree, Brittany, Sara, & Jamie came up to surprise me with a visit & lunch for my birthday! They all filter back to love on Emma. I love seeing my friends, who have prayed many prayers for me & for Emma, getting to smile & hold my daughter.

When I get back from lunch, Lynn said she took all of her bottle so she rewarded her with some time in the swing. Cutest thing ever, E just rocking away.

She starts getting hungry again around 5 & takes all of her bottle again!! So basically, Lynn could see that the switch had happened for Emma. She needed to do this on her own without a tube constantly keeping her belly full!

Mike gets there with a big birthday kiss, of course! His parents take us to dinner for my birthday.

When we get back to the hospital, E takes 63 ml & seems ready for bed. The nurse tells Mike that he can take Emma and stay in one of the overnight/pumping rooms. Nothing fancy but better then a chair in a room with 5 other babies and nurses. They wheel Emma and all of the portable machines down to the room & tell Mike to page them when she wakes up to eat. The nurse will then bring down her bottle and take her vitals.

I kiss my family goodnight & head to Nicole’s for the night.

Looking back, I don’t think I realized how amazing my husband was. He, from day 1, became the protector of our little family. Our little girl. I mean, really think about it… The mom is usually the one who spends her nights tending to the baby. Up for feedings & changes & just generally not sleeping a wink. But here was my man, telling me “no..you are exhausted & wiped out from doing nothing more than sitting at her bed side day after day. let me do this. let me stay with her overnight & care for her. make sure she is ok.”

That man….talk about a selfless love.

I think Mike was the most genuine reflection of Christ’s love during all of this… Loving our girl. Loving me…when I made it difficult & hard, he still showed me that I was his number one.

This birthday might not have been anything like I expected it to be, but God knew exactly what He was doing on June 18th…

He was working something fierce on my heart…







to be continued…

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