Update : My Word

I think it’s high time I give an update on my word for 2013. I chose the word trust; which means as a noun assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something and as a verb to place confidence {in something}. I, clearly, have chosen to place my trust in God.

Trust 2013

In an attempt to keep this little online journal of mine on the honesty up & up, I’ll share how I’ve really been doing with this. Not just the way I wish I was doing.

I have struggled.  I have been selfish & doubtful. I have, more times than I like, depended on myself instead of God. I have grown frustrated with where we are & let my own negative thoughts dictate how I look at a situation.

We are still living with my in-laws & I can’t even say I see a light at the end. Mike hasn’t found a job that will provide more income. We haven’t found a place we can afford. {mostly because I haven’t looked because it just ends up making me sad to look & see all of the places we can’t afford} Sometimes I wonder what lesson I’m supposed to be learning. I mean, I clearly have developed A LOT of patience over the past year and 4 months. But to say I have gained a peace over where the Lord has us right now would be a lie.

There are times I feel as though I should get myself another job. A part time one that would bring in extra money. On top of full time teaching and working at the church I don’t exactly know where that would fit in, but I question if I’m doing enough to get us out of the situation we are in. It’s frustrating to just simply not know. Which I’m learning is a HUGE place God brings us to. A place of simply not knowing. How else would we learn trust?


Not to say that life has been awful. We paid off our final credit card two weeks ago!! And the very next day the door on our car broke. Of course Mike figured out how to fix it, but that didn’t excuse the anxiety that built up in my heart about having to pay for a repair if he couldn’t. It’s as if we make progress & then something sets us back.

We are declaring God’s promise over our lives. That He already has our story written. That He already knows where we will be in June when baby e comes. And what job Mike will be working. And what our finances will look like.

I know all of that. I know that God provides.

I just hate that in my own selfish human nature, I can’t rid myself of worry and distrust. I said I wanted to trust more and feel secure. I wanted to doubt less and stress less.

Have I done that?

Simply put, no.

I think that’s why God offers grace. We aren’t perfect. We don’t always have it together. We aren’t always confident in trusting.

But what we are, is a child of the most high. The creator of all.

So being 2 months into this year & my commitment to trusting, I’m continuing to grow. I’m pressing on with this word.

I’m making a daily effort to rely on the promise that when I trust in God, nothing is impossible.


Whitney Tomlin said...

Been there done that girlfriend. Keep on trusting and keep on pushing! He has a good good plan for you on the way. He knows your hearts and as long as you trust and are faithful in Him, I have no doubt that he has big things in store for your growing family! I will be praying for you guys. I know how tough it is to feel how you're feeling!

Alli said...

The hubs and I were in a similar position a couple years ago. He was let go from his job and I was still in school. We were renting a house right down the road from my school, but we couldn't make it on just my pay. Luckily for us, he found a part-time, temporary job, unlucky for us, it was 45 minutes from where we lived and we didn't have a vehicle reliable enough to get him there. So we ended up moving in with my parents. I finished my degree and the hubs's job ended. We were up the creek with no paddle. Neither of us had a job and there weren't many prospects out there. We were looking for opportunities to be missionaries in Peru, completely putting trust that God would get us where we needed to be. We knew if God wanted us to stay in the US He would open doors for us. Low and behold (and much to my husband's happiness) He supplied us both with jobs. A year after we both lost our jobs and moved in with my parents, He supplied us with a house. It all takes is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust. Praying for you friend!

Liz said...

Thank you for sharing your story Alli! I know there's a plan & I simply need to be still. But gosh it if isn't hard to actually do that!